A Swift Doula Blog, Chicago

Your boobs are amazing

2/27/2015

I love the moment when mom looks down at her new baby and then looks up at me with huge eyes. "She's doing it! She's latched!

Breasfeeding is a wild ride. The first days when baby licks, sucks, and is nourished by mom's magic yellow gold - colostrum in small, perfect portions. Going home on day two or three of your baby's life, and feeling the first signs that your breasts have started to produce more mature milk. Your body is feeding your baby!

Did you know your boobs are amazing?

As your doula, you can call me anytime in pregnancy and after. I am happy to support you through the transition from pregnancy to parenthood. But what does that mean?

It means, I get a text at 6:30am saying, "Is there something I should be doing different?! He fed fine in the hospital but last night was horrible!"

You don't have to say the words, "I need help breastfeeding!"

I come over, I give you a hug, look you in the eye, and we go over basics and get a fresh set of eyes (and an extra set of hands) to help assess whats going on.

And most times, with some pillows in the right spots, a quick refresher and some encouraging words, we get baby to breast.

It means, when baby seems to be fussy all the time, even after just eating, you can call me and share all your fears.

"What if I'm not making enough milk?!"

I meet you right where you're at. We talk about what's happening and how you are feeling. We talk about what you can do to put your mind at ease, and when you should call your pediatrician. Sometimes, it means I help you find a way to keep track of feedings and dirty diapers so you can really see how incredible this process is.

See! Look! Your breasts are feeding your baby! That is amazing!

As moms, we can read books and we can watch videos but we have to learn how to breastfeed. It is a process that you go through at the same time your baby is learning! Each feeding will get a little easier. Each time you are with your baby, you will know a bit more about each other. You will learn cues, signs, and an incredible bond is there already.

And look at that! Your boobs are amazing! Your body is feeding your baby!

Authored by A Swift Doula

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Dad and Baby: developing a Bond

2/27/2015

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If you've gone through a child birth education class, you probably have knowledge of a hormone called Oxytocin. Nicknamed "The Love Hormone," it is responsible for feelings of connectedness and bonding. There is a rush of Oxycontin in the first hours of baby's life, which helps establish feelings of protectiveness and love in a new mom, and helps stimulate natural systems to work, such as returning the uterus back to pre-pregnancy size, and production of breast milk.

But what about the parent that didn't deliver a baby? How does bonding begin for the person that didn't get a jolt of hormones?

If you are looking for ways to get Oxycontin flowing and to start creating a bond with your baby, here are some things that may help:

Feed that baby! Baby associates good feelings with eating. If possible be very close when breastfeeding, so your baby can see the faces of both parents. It may feel silly, cramped or logistically difficult at first. But imagine you are a family of spoons, nestled together. Mom and baby can recline in the arms of dad, and you all can enjoy the experience. If pumping or bottle feeding, give dad the chance to have one-on-one feeding time.
Let dad have time before and after feeding sessions. His voice, smell, and method will become a part of baby's routine. If it's changing a diaper, gently burping, taking a walk around the house, or just holding baby close, bringing dad into these parts of the feeding process can help promote bonding.
Let dad soothe your crying baby. As a mom, it can be hard to let your partner learn how to parent. The feeling to jump in when ever baby cries is strong! For a reason! Those hormones that offer you the fountains of feel-goods can also make it hard to hear your baby cry. But it is important for your partner to gain confidence in his ability to soothe, and it is important for baby to learn that this other person, this Dad, is someone that will offer comfort too. Again, Dad's voice, smell, and demeanor will become things your baby will learn, and begin to associate with comfort.
Encourage dad to find things he enjoys that he can share with baby. It may not be the thing you would prefer he does with baby, but it may be just what they need. I still remember cringing when my husband would sit on the couch with our young baby girl to watch rugby. But now if she is having a hard time going to sleep, it isn't uncommon for her to ask him to put on a rugby game. They then snuggle up together and before long, they are BOTH asleep.
Read a book together. Not only will your baby enjoy hearing your voice, but you will help stimulate parts of your baby's brain that will help them learn about language, the world around them, and also the topic of you selected book. Parents reading to their children has been shown to increase the likely hood that those children will be readers later, because the thing your child loves most, you, is connected with reading. It's a win-win!

How have you or your partner bonded with your child? Do you remember anything that struck you as odd at the time but in hindsight was perfect for them?

*NOTE: I use husband and dad in this post, but I realize and acknowledge there are many ways for a family to be formed and the term husband does not encompass every family situation.

Authored by A Swift Doula

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5 Reasons to Have a Night Doula

2/26/2015

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Sleep with peace. You can't help but jump out of bed with each new sound your baby makes. An overnight doula will be right there to tend to your baby so you can sleep peacefully, knowing your baby will be looked after.
Support with night breastfeeding. Night feeding can be difficult if you aren't aware of a baby's early cues that hunger is mounting. Your night doula will be present to attend to your baby, take note of early hunger cues, and bring your baby to you before she is frustrated. Your night doula will take care of all the burping, changing and soothing baby back to sleep, so you can return to rest.
Companionship in the wee hours. If you are awake and need emotional support while you and your baby are learning how to breastfeed, having a non-judgmental person there to encourage you can be incredibly helpful. A night doula can also help with positioning and getting a great latch for comfort and feeding.
A night doula will have up to date information on all things "baby", and what might be best for your parenting style. With new information and products being released all the time, your doula will help you be confident in the choices you are making for you child.
A night doula will be present and available for you as a safe and judgement-free witness to your introduction into parenthood. As you learn what is best for you and best for your baby, you can have hands on support encouraging you to develop confidence at your own pace.

And finally...because you deserve this! Being a new parent is difficult and having a night doula is one more tool in your kit that can get you started off on this journey with success.

How could a night doula help you?

Authored by A Swift Doula

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Husbands and Doulas

2/25/2015

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Full disclosure, my husband was not excited about having a doula at the birth of our daughter. Ultimately it came down to this:

me: I want to hire her.
him: Fine.

And I think many families are in the same situation. But now in hindsight, I wanted to know what really made moving forward with having a stranger in our intimate space alright.

I asked, this is what he said:

Things I Liked About Hiring (Our Doula):

1) Ariel (my wife) wanted to hire a doula, she believed that it would make her more comfortable going into the experience than without one, and I am not against anything that will make my wife's life happier/easier--within reason.

2) It also made me more comfortable going into the birth experience. Harper is our first child and not having attended a birth previously, it was good to know that there was going to be someone there assisting Ariel, as well as assisting me assist Ariel.

3) Being an attorney and familiar with the concept of liability (medical in this case), I understand that hospital employees may have to say things that they might not necessarily totally believe because that is what their employer (mostly the employer's attorney) needs them to say in order to try and avoid any liability. I thought that it was worthwhile to have a doula present to a) translate from medical jargon into understandable language and b) to give her opinion as why the hospital employees were saying something or suggesting a particular course of action and give her thoughts on whether or not these suggestions were negotiable or mandatory.

4) Having a doula allowed me to feel comfortable making more frequent trips to the waiting room to keep the assembled family members updated as to the imminent arrival of their new granddaughter/niece.

What about you? What does your partner think about doulas?

Authored by A Swift Doula *with special guest Mr. A Swift Doula

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The Revolution Will Not be Supervised

2/25/2015

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One of my biggest fears moving to Chicago - I have no idea how to raise a child here.

Why? Because I grew up in almost the exact opposite of this city.

My childhood seems like something out of a time warp. My siblings and I played unsupervised for large periods of time. We were given permission, and even encouraged, to make trips to the nearest city, 3 miles away, on our bicycles for the sake of exploring. We were in charge of chopping wood, building a fire in winter, and preparing meals, all at ages that are considered abuse by some these days.

Part of what I loved about my childhood is how much time I spent BY MYSELF.

I had to be responsible for myself. Sometimes that meant getting myself from one place to another. Sometimes that mean I had to get myself down from a tree. Knowing I had no support in executing these tasks made me both aware of how far into trouble I was going, and then proud of my ability to get out of it.

So, I want to be able to give my daughter freedom to learn without me near by. But now, I am in a city and culture that thinks my child can’t to things has to be protected at all costs.

An article in the Atlantic gave some insight into how we got here. This has been gaining momentum since the 80's. The ruling of a case involving a family from Chicago became the impetus for the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission publishing the first Handbook for Public Playground Safety in 1981, a short set of general guidelines to govern the equipment.

In Chicago, with it's 580 parks, there are many opportunities for play. It is wonderful. However, there has also been studies that these safer playgrounds aren't being used because they pose little challenge to those using them.

But with all of the regulations and changes to playground safety, it has been shown that there has not been a reduction of children's visits to emergency rooms. I am no researcher, but the risky behavior seems to have moved from the playground to...elsewhere - where ever the child can find an opportunity to make choices for himself, to explore organically, and live the thrill.

So back to my original worries about parenting in a city - where can she spend time by herself that won't get me arrested, and will let her have an authentic thrilling experience?

There is no answer for this right now. As parents, we will have to wade through as we go.

What I think is important right now is that I know I want my daughter to have these opportunities to explore by herself.

Perhaps it will start with going down to our building's lobby to get the mail by herself. Perhaps at some point it will mean me giving her a shopping list and waiting at the front of the store for her to gather some items. At some point, she will ride the CTA by herself.

Will I be concerned and anticipate her return? Absolutely! But one of my parenting goals is to have a well adjusted, independent daughter who knows she can come to me with anything. I see that she won't be able to come TO me if she isn't APART from me at some point.

If I want her to know how to always come home, she needs to know where home is. So to get ready for this, we'll work on basics for a three year old:
What is mommy's name?
What is mommy's phone number?
Where do you live?

How do you set safe boundaries with your children? If you live in a large city, how do you navigate this?

Authored by A Swift Doula

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All in a day's Work

2/19/2015

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"What do you mean I'm not on the account?"
"I'm sorry ma'am. You're not on the account. You are not L----, correct?"
"Look, I tell you what. I will sign up for an account right now, on the phone, pay what ever fee you need me to pay, but can you please dispatch someone out to help me NOW. A pregnant lady is having a baby today! I'm supposed to meet her. Please?!"
"Well, no ma'am...well...(pause)...yeah. Ok. Yeah. Where is the vehicle?"

This was how my day started. Well, not really. My "day" started last night when I went to work for a super-fab family with twins. This conversation happened at 6:10a, after I had realized I had locked my car, with it running, with my phone, contact numbers, and computer inside.

I was on my way to meet a client that was having her baby today.

The barista's at the Starbucks on the corner, (who have come to know me from my morning coffee stop...well sorta know me. *ok not really... But they know me now!) let me use their phone to call AAA. And sit in their warm cafe. And one of them tried to get my car open. And they commiserated. And eventually cheered me on when the two AAA workmen arrived.

The AAA operator was quick and helpful, and in 35 minutes, a truck was there, helping me get on the road to where I had a client waiting.

And it all ended ok.

I had contingency plans running through my head.

Do I just leave my car and take a cab?
Would my car get towed?
Do I ask to use someone's smart phone to call the hospital?
Do I... it kept going on.

Today was one big lesson. HUGE lessons for me. Somethings were easy like, carry a spare key in my wallet. Others were organizational structures for my business. The one that stands out is that people can be really awesome.

People can get pretty down right now. Winter, temperatures, politics...

But after being bolstered up by some baristas and AAA, I got to work for a wonderful family that welcomed their wonderful son into the world. I got to meet a wonderful nurse who said openly and boldly, "Oh I love working with doulas! So glad you are here!"

I am usually a person that others lean on. I am usually the person people come to when they need to get pumped up. It is rare that I find myself in such a vulnerable place, needing help from complete strangers.

The weird thing...

It felt good. It felt good to let these people help me.

Yes, I bought coffee while I waited. Yes I purchased a service plan. Yes, it's easy for a nurse to say a line in front of a couple who obviously wanted me to be there.

But it was all good. I valued their care, and they showed me kindness.

I never thought I would have said this at 6:10a this morning, but...

What an awesome day!

Authored by A Swift Doula

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The Other Room - Using All your Hospital Has To offer

2/16/2015

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When most people think about having a baby in a hospital, laboring in a traditional bed is what comes to mind. There may be images of wandering the halls in your imagination too. It almost never comes up that there is another wonderful place where women can find relief, quiet, and calm.

The bathroom.

It's not picturesque. Some may find it a little gross to think about, but let's dive into this space.

We may have memories of being comforted from scrapes and bruises. We may have memories of resting on the cool floor with a stomach bug. And of course a warm shower or bath to wash the stress of the day away.

It is this place where we have been taught from a very young age to relax and let go. (Potty training, anyone?!) And the reflex that has been engrained for years and years in us can now also help you when it's time to labor your baby down.

If you are pregnant, it's no surprise you have to use the restroom often. When you are in labor, it is important to empty your bladder not just for comfort, but it also allows more space for baby to move down.

The physical motions of walking, sitting, and getting back to your bed help to open your pelvis and make more space, and the reflex to relax your bottom when you are sitting on the toilet helps progress labor, encourages your cervix to continue to dilate, and can give you a calm head space that can restore your resolve.

The other benefit of being in the bathroom is simple: you can shut the door on the medical world that you are surrounded by.

You can make it dark. You can make it quiet. You can be there, with your partner or doula, and go about the business of birth with fewer distractions.

The bathroom in your hospital room can turn into a very effective place for your body to work through contractions, and all this even before using water therapy through a bath or shower.

So why should you go to the bathroom?

movement from bed to bathroom can ease pain and help baby move into favorable postions
physical act of emptying your bladder opens your pelvis, relives pressure, and increases space in your womb
bathroom can easily become a dark, comfortable space where you can close the door and be supported by those you feel most comfortable with
If able, hop in the shower or tub to relax your body further, encouraging your body to dilate and progress, and possible ease the pain of contractions

So remember, you have two rooms when you go to the hospital. And the staff won't let you deliver your baby in the toilet, I promise.

Authored by A Swift Doula

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10 Displays of Ordinary Love

2/12/2015

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I mentioned earlier this month that I've never been a huge fan of Valentine's Day. It's always been stressful and awkward. I think the last time I didn't feel stress about this holiday was back when all the rules were spelled out in grade school. Bring valentines for everyone. Put them in their little hand-made boxes. Done.

This year I wanted it to be different. This year, I wanted to go have a drink in one of the tallest buildings in Chicago, take in the view, then go home and not deal with dinner crowds. But now even that idea is taking too much energy, and is stressing me out.

See, I'm a fan of ordinary love. Love where, like tonight after dinner, I sit on the couch squashed next to my husband (Mr. A Swift Doula) and watch the PBS Newshour. Love, where my daughter sees us squashed on the couch and without too much thought says, "We need to have a family kiss."

So if you or your partner are also fans of ordinary love, I'd like to share some ordinary things that would be great for your ordinary valentine this coming Saturday.

10 Displays of Ordinary Love - From Morning to Night

Make the coffee. Bring the coffee. Drink the coffee together.
Feed the animals, children included if they exist.
Post It Note on the door to be read as he/she leaves. I prefer the short and sweet XOXO. Extra points for drawing a heart.
Fill up the gas tank.
G-Chat message sometime throughout the day - again with XOXO.
Say yes to pizza night - give your partner the biggest piece.
Give your partner the remote.
Go in for a hug, and don't let go. Just stay there for a good 45-60 seconds.
Put fresh sheets on the bed.
Change the empty toilet paper roll.

These aren't fancy. They cost little to no money. They all happen at some point very regularly throughout the year. And that is why they mean more to me then drinks at a cool bar (which we will do) or a bouquet of flowers (which I do love, and often will buy for myself - thank you very much.)

I know there are others like me that aren't looking for the commercialized interpretation of this coming holiday. I know there will be some that read this little list and think I need to raise my expectations. But it's cool. I'm ok.

Happy Valentine's Day.

Authored by A Swift Doula

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Critics and Love

2/3/2015

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February is the month of LOVE. So here's my Valentine's Day present for myself...

Ever since I was a young girl and I was told by a teacher that I was too bossy and outspoken, I have tried to reel that in with little success. It wasn’t until 2013 when I was 30 years old (that is more than 20 years of trying to go against a part of my innate nature) that I started to give myself permission to be authentic. And to not only acknowledge it, but to love that part of me.

It was very, very hard.

My daughter had weaned and I was going through postpartum depression, and I needed to find a way to move forward. I didn't know how, but I started looking. About that time a video made it's way around the internet.

You may have seen this clip ...A young girl giving herself a pep-talk while standing in front of the bathroom mirror.

Since I saw it, I said, Yes, that is important. Talking and treating yourself well is important.

I had to find things that were special about me and I had to remind myself. I had to find my voice and reconnect with parts of me that I never gave myself credit for before. Part of that was being unsatisfied as someone's employee. It was reconnecting with my bossy innards and shining a giant light on them and saying,

"I love that I can be in control."
"I love that I can do anything."
"I love that I try hard things."
"I love that I am open to change."

Slowly, I added new things to my list.
"I love that I took that scary step and asked for help."
"I love that I am not giving up when it's hard."
"I love that other's opinions of me won't make me stop."
"I love that I will always be different."

And since that time, I knew I would repeat words to my daughter that would start to frame how she saw herself. I tell her now,

"I love that you enjoy spending time with your family."
"I love that you are brave and try new things."
"I love that you want to be a girl that helps, and listens."
"I love that you can try, and try, and try again, even if it's hard."

I have found that there will always be critics. There will never be a shortage of trolls.
"You're not enough."
"Who do you think you are?"

One of the biggest critics, sitting right there along the others in the cheap seats, is me.

So for this coming Valentines day,a day I used to hate and would boast of my superiority over this most-commercial-of-holidays, I'm doing something different. I'm taking Brené Brown's advice and I'm inviting my critics into my arena. I'm acknowledging they are there. I will tell them, "I see you. I hear you. But I'm going to do this anyway, and I'm not interested in your feedback."

Because I am striving to be authentic. I am trying to be vulnerable. Because I value courage, and where there is bravery and honesty, there is love and joy, and as Brené Brown has found, there is wholehearted living.

So with my whole heart, Happy Valentines Day.

Authored by A Swift Doula

7 Comments

Your boobs are amazing

Dad and Baby: developing a Bond

5 Reasons to Have a Night Doula

Husbands and Doulas

The Revolution Will Not be Supervised

All in a day's Work

The Other Room - Using All your Hospital Has To offer

10 Displays of Ordinary Love

Critics and Love

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