A Swift Doula Blog, Chicago

Father's Day Photo Contest

5/30/2015

June is here and I am ready to celebrate Dads! I want to see the dads in your life dadding it up. Doulas love dads too!!!

Send me original photos that show a dad you love in action. They can be with kids of any age, or doing a thing that makes them incredibly helpful. In today's world, the word Dad has so many definitions, and this is inclusive of them all!

Please send photos for submission to Ariel@aswiftdoula.com by June 20th in order to be considered. Along with the photo, send a caption that gives a little information of what or who is in the picture. No more than 100 words please.

Should your photo be selected, it will be featured on A Swift Doula's Blog on Father's day along with your short caption.

Let's show off some incredible Chicago Dads!

NOTE ***By sending photos into this contest, you agree that the images you submit are your own and A Swift Doula Blog has permission to post them. Also, by sending photos for this contest, you agree that permission has been granted by those in the photo to be posted publicly on the internet.***

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I want to Be Big!

5/24/2015

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Memorial Day weekend may have been the worst time for me to keep a promise to my daughter. Lines, lines, lines....

She has been looking at the Ferris Wheel at Navy Pier since we moved to Chicago last year. "Mom can we pleeeeease go to the Ferrwis Weel?"

With one parent gone for three weeks for work, and the other with a packed schedule here at home, it was time for some quality time, and a promise fulfilled.

But the beginning of a new, probably inevitable, phase was started.

The "I want to be bigger!" phrase has now come out of my daughter's mouth. And my heart hurts.

Here I thought I was giving her a chance to do something that would be both exciting and fun, and what I ended up doing was exposing her to a whole slew of things she has to wait to do.

"Momma I want to do the chair thingy!"

"Sorry Harp. We can do that ride when you get a little bigger."

"I want to be bigger now!"

So we sat and watched all those bigger people ride the ride and listened to them screaming in joy.

For 20 minutes. The people got on. They screamed and twirled. The people got off. Over and over.

"Mommy. I weally want to wide the chair thingy."

"I know sweetie. How old are you?"

"Thwee."

"I think when you turn 7 or 8 it will be safe for you to ride on the chair ride."

"Mommyyyyyyyyy!"

"I hear you Harper. I know that feels like a really long time."

And I know this is only the beginning. This only the first time of many that she will want to do something that is just beyond where she's at. It's only one time of many where she won't be able to see how great being three is because she wants to be four. Or 13. Or 16. Or 18. Or 21.

I hope I can help her love the years she's in as she's in them.

In the meantime, maybe I can find a ball pit she can jump in before she gets too big!

Authored by A Swift Doula

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Stitches

5/22/2015

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I bet you can sew. I bet you.

Because guess what, all sewing is is putting two pieces of cloth together with a bit of string.

I’ve been sewing since I was a tiny girl. My mom helped me cut out squares and I would slowly stitch together a Barbie sleeping bag.

And I was so proud of my Barbie sleeping bag.

Then I put some more squares together, and I made a teddy bear blanket.

Then I put some more squares together and I made a blanket for myself!

I learned how to make something beautiful that would nurture people by slowly stitching together small pieces of material, with a little bit of string.

When I think about sewing now, it becomes more involved, I get stressed if I didn’t measure correctly, I worry about how much time I’m able to devote to the process, and, oh God, what if my toddler finds all the pins and scissors?!

So I don’t sew very often.

What I enjoy about sewing now, is something a bit silly.

I love the fabric.

Have you ever found yourself chatting with a shop owner in your favorite part of town on a sunny day and fall in love with something?

Did you ever get happy just walking into a place because the woman behind the counter lights up when she sees you come through the door?

I have. I hope everyone gets the chance to feel that.

Right now, I’m just a mom, trying to remember who I was when I had time to sew.

Even through I don’t have the time to devote to all of the sewing projects that used to fill my (now non-existent) Etsy shop, I do have time to visit my local fabric store, see the patterns, new designs, and colors of the beautiful fabrics, and bring a bit of that happiness home with me.

I love my scraps of fabric. I love knowing I have the ability and the power to make incredibly beautiful pieces of art with my hands and imagination.

And I love knowing that even if I am away from my local shop owner for a while, she will still light up when I walk in the door, because she understands this kind of beauty.

She understands that the fabric of life is everyday moments and the thread is warm smiles, a touch of comfort, and an exchange of feeling.

Real feeling.

So I feel my fabric between my fingers, and I feel the fabric of my life, and I make stitches.

One after another after another.

Authored by A Swift Doula

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How do you know if you should have more kids?

5/11/2015

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Mother's Day just happened, and for the last three years, thoughts of babies come to mind. Being a mother has been the BEST FUCKING THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO ME. No apologies.

My husband and I have been having some pretty non-committal conversations about having more kids. We expanded our family on accident, and, I guess you could say, we're both gun-shy to continue its growth.

Three years ago, I could say firmly, "Oh, I'm pretty sure we are just having one, but if we have more, we are going to wait until Harper is like 4. Maybe 5." Well, that wasn't received very well by those I talked with, but I threw all those judgey comments out with my refrigerator left overs. Because, c'mon. Really?! We are still telling other people how many kids to have?

Recently I got to spend sometime with two incredible Moms. Both have 5 children. Five lovely children. Both the pain and joy that come with a full family is extremely appealing to me. I am 1 of 4 kids myself.

And there is this great blog. Girls Gone Child, by Rebecca Woolf. If you spend anytime on her site you will see some of the most magical images of her four children. It's like fairies are real!!!

Sisters, brothers. Siblings. Going through life with a friend. A built in, lifelong friend. Or at least someone who will understand what it's like to have me as a crazy mother!

So, like, hello?! Universe? Can we meet for coffee or something and work this out?

Yeah. Didn't think so.

We, mere mortals, get to be in charge of this huge responsibility, just doing the best we know how.

We'll figure it out. Everyone does. At least those of us who are lucky enough to get to choose...

The image I keep coming back to is the point in life, when Dan and I are gone. When we pass away and Harper is at the point where, for the first time, she will experience life without parents. That's a heavy image for me.

This post isn't going to solve anything or decide anything. It isn't supposed to.

This is just me today, the day after Mother's Day, thinking about what it may mean to not have any more children.

Readers, how did you know you wanted to grow your family? When did you know your family was complete?

Authored by A Swift Doula

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Mother's Day Essay Contest - Winning Entry

5/10/2015

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Thank you to all the women who took the time to write in and share their wonderful stories of incredible women in their lives! The winning submission comes today from Jennifer Holman. Her words speak to the countless mothers that come into our lives and make the day to day possible. The intimacy that is shared between women going through life together is the focus of her mother's day essay.

So to all the mothers out there, with children in your arms, or in your hearts; for those you can see, and those that left our world too soon; for those that came from your body, or came to your family through the body of another - Happy Mother's Day. - A Swift Doula

My husband is my soul's partner, my heart, my joy - he completes me in all the grander concepts. But in the long and sometimes lonely daytime hours of raising kids at home - filled with their inevitable ups and downs, a thousand small miracles and just as many daily drudgeries - the companionship of women friends has been, at times, as essential to my life as any other relationship.

I'm not talking about "girlfriends" exactly, those spritely angels who whisk us away from our children and households for the occasional escape. They are essential in their own way.

I'm talking about the women whose lives run alongside ours, parallel in some way or another, wherein we come to gently and happily rely on each other. Sometimes it's just a smile, some moral support from someone who understands how harried life can get. A moment of human connection in between activity drop offs and grocery shopping. Other times this friend is the first person to know when we've had bad news, or when we need someone to watch the kids in an emergency. Sometimes they know more about us than anyone else.

I see people for whom this is a lifelong relationship, like a sister or best friend, though sometimes we meet equally amazing women who are in our lives for just a season. Our kids are in the same school, or we are running the local Girls Scout troop together… Whatever the duration, a camaraderie exists, and an unexplained intimacy forms in which we live our day to day lives loosely in sync.

Touching base with phone calls or texts, taking turns with carpool, and coffee runs. They help us get through a certain stage in our lives that otherwise might have been lonely or difficult. Their companionship makes the road smoother, makes the sometimes bland seem sweeter. Or when all else fails and all you can do is laugh, funnier.

I used to feel sad when such seasons would end. Back when my children finished preschool, I felt as if I was graduating as well - starting somewhere new, not knowing the terrain very well. A bit at a loss.

A fairly close group of us had been raising our children together for a few years, and I knew that I would see these wonderful women less and less.. I think that while we don't all see each other with the same frequency, and didn't remain as close, that bond still exists somewhere, there is still that sisterhood. They shared something with me - over coffees and bleary, tired, half-smiles - that I'll always have. Their personal experiences. Advice that made me realize my own feelings about an issue. Insight into a different culture, or way of life. A laugh when I need one. They were integral to that stage of life and motherhood for me. They've stayed with me in many ways.

And now new friends are added to those older treasures. Traveling friends, online friends, homeschooling friends, others we meet as we make our way, being us, doing what we do. I am always amazed that I think I've met my fair share of kindred spirits along this road, and still more come. It's a veritable tribe of smart, interesting, caring, funny women that I carry along with me in this journey every day.

It has been a dream of mine to host a Mother's Day brunch for all of these amazing moms I know, to acknowledge how they give their whole hearts to mothering every day and still have time for all their acts of kindness and generosity and love for the women around them, and for me. But I could probably never gather so many people around one table. Surely my heart would burst with joy and gratitude before I could intelligently speak, but this is what I hope I would say:

You build me up. I am better because I've known you. Thank you.

Authored by Jennifer Holman.
Some spacing and emphasis by A Swift Doula

Author of this year's winning essay contest, Jennifer Holman!

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Having a courageous Birth

5/6/2015

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Have you ever considered courage when talking about birth?

When I talk with clients, or visit a childbirth education class one word comes up over and over: FEAR.

What if I can't handle the labor pain?
What if my pelvis is too small?
What if I can't have the birth I want?

The "what ifs" seem to paralyze.

So how can fear be overcome?

Courage
noun
1. the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc., without fear; bravery.
2. Obsolete. the heart as the source of emotion.
3. have the courage of one's convictions, to act in accordance with one's beliefs, especially in spite of criticism.

Courage permits one to face extreme dangers and difficulties without fear. - So says Dictionary.com.

Without a doubt, the process of birthing a baby has been described as difficult. The unique structure of a woman and her baby work together to twist, turn, and ease out a human from an area of the female body that needs to go through several changes before it is ready to do so.

That process of change is helped through relaxation and support. Encouragement. Faith in the process. And yes, courage.

I love the quote above by Lao Tzu, a philosopher and poet, and respected founder of Taoism. When I work with a couple that has love for each other and have shared hopes for the birthing experience, it is incredible to see how they work together through labor.

A partner is there physically but also emotionally, and it is almost possible to see the strength a woman pulls from that support. I agree, and have seen, that being loved gives strength.

The free flow of love into and out of a laboring woman, is an ideal situation for childbirth. Giving it to her, so she can give it both to herself and her baby.

Vaginal or Caesarian: All births require courage

Again referring to the quote above, "Loving someone deeply gives you courage."

There are many things women do for their children that they would never consider for anyone else. You've heard stories of lifting cars, chasing down attackers, sacrificing themselves. The strong bond that is built in the months leading up to birth has the ability to do incredible things. Enduing the process of birth is only one of them.

The love mother's feel for their unborn babies aids in the rising tide of courage

And let me be clear - this isn't just about vaginal birth. ALL birth is difficult. All birth is painful. All birth has a series of decisions that need to be made. Caesarian deliveries are courageous births.

Preparing for A Successful Birth

Your birth will be an experience you think back on for years. Your perception of that event will stay with you. Your feelings from your birth will stay with you. A phenomenal experience like birth is not a moment that happens and is then forgotten. Birth gives the woman a marked moment where she defines her experience.

Women are able to show courage through many points of the birthing process:
It starts with standing up for what you feel is important, and finding a care provider that supports your preferences.

It continues by selecting the people on your support team that you know will offer you encouragement and non-judgmental care.

Being courageous in birth means taking an active role in what is happening, instead of being a passive recipient of others decisions.

Taking part in the decision making means you are taking responsibility for your birth. Taking responsibility can be a scary and hard thing for some women, but finding the courage to make the best decision for yourself, and what you feel is the best decision for your baby, is a courageous thing to do.

Living a Courageous Life
Living a courageous life is not a goal of every woman. But there are moments where one cannot help but be courageous.

Brene Brown talks about courage in conjunction with vulnerability. She talks about the bravery of empathy. She talks about the necessity of emotion and being authentic. When I talk about courage, these are the words that come to me.

The relationship between being authentic, and brave, and courageous. I don't thing we are all slated to filling up headlines and landing major endorsements for our actions. But as a mother, I know I try to embody courageous traits so my daughter has a real life example to learn from.

It was courageous of me to stand and accept my postpartum body when my daughter points at scars and asks what happened. It was courageous of to not give in to the desires others had for my birth. It was courageous for me to quit my job and then become a doula.

Not everything happens with an audience. But being courageous doesn't always require one.

Courage, to me, is a lifestyle of reaching past how far others think I should go.

Doulas on Courage
I am honored to have a group of remarkable women surrounding me. When thinking about this post, I reached out to them and wanted to know what they thought about courage, as they are present with countless women who embody courage in their work. They are doulas from across the country.

Perhaps their words can give you inspiration:

"Courage is staring down the challenge before you and making the choice to move fully into the challenge, allowing the process to break you down into the sum of your parts and put you back together as a changed yet more powerful individual for having endured the process." Angela Horn, Co-Owner of Tuscon Doulas

"Courage is being scared and going ahead anyway." Margaret Mason Tate McIntyre, Owner of Intown Doula

"Courage is looking fear in the face and telling it to take a seat because you're not backing down." Kaylee Proctor, Owner of Little Apple Doulas

"Courage is the thing that moves you forward when you have the overwhelming feeling of giving up." Jenn Leonard, Owner of Colorado Mountain Doulas

"Courage is every day taking that one step forward, even when you are afraid to fall, and learning that you can soar." Sarah Durham Coffin, Owner of Tulsa Family Doulas

"Courage is admitting your mistakes and learning from them." Gwendolyn Mccomsey, Co-Owner of Lancaster Doulas

"Courage is the strength to move forward even when you are unsure of the outcome." Holly Haas Yeager, Co-Owner of Lancaster Doulas

"Courage is being willing to be completely vulnerable." Elisabeth Lightly, Co-Owner of Indianapolis Doulas

Authored by A Swift Doula.

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Interview with My 3.5 Year Old

5/5/2015

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Kids are so cool.

I took the opportunity to ask my daughter some questions at bath time a little while ago, attempting to get inside her super active brain. It was fun. I encourage you to ask your own kids some direct questions.

How often do kids get asked questions about what they like and what they do? I would hate for the only memories of me asking H questions are the kind that suck. Like, Where were you? Who were you with? Why didn't you call me?

So, it may be silly, but I am proactively laying some ground work. Let's talk about it! Whatever IT is!

Mom: Hey Harp, can I ask you some questions about things you like?
H: I love jumping!

Mom: Awesome! What do you like about jumping?
H: I like jumping really high high in the air and then more jumping!

Mom: Can you tell me your favorite food?
H: I love Ice Cream! With sprinkles! And I like to make birthday cakes! I love birthday cakes and donuts!

Mom: What is your favorite thing to do outside?
H: I love watering the flowers. See? I'm watering the flowers! (proceeds to water her bathtub bubbles.)
Mom: Are there other things you like to do outside?
H: (casually) I like to go to the park and slide and play with the sprayer, and the park by the library? I like the park and the library.

Mom: What is your favorite toy?
H: Ummm....(whispers) playing with my race car toys and I make them go (shouting) fast, fast, fast!

Mom: What is your favorite color?
H: Pink!
Mom: What was your favorite color before that?
H: Purple
Mom: What was your favorite color before that?
H: Blue!

H: Pink makes me happy, purple makes me angry, and blue makes me sad.
Mom: What do you feel sad about?

H: I feel sad missing my daddy, but then I go to school, and I miss him at school.

Mom: What's your favorite thing about daddy?
H: When we snuggle!

Mom: Last question, what is your favorite book?
H: The put-the-baby-to-bed book. It shows all the babies going to bed! And they have teddy bears!

Mom: Thanks Harp! I love you.
H: I love you too mommy. Let's water the flowers some more!

Authored by A Swift Doula with special guest, H. Swift

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Father's Day Photo Contest

I want to Be Big!

Stitches

How do you know if you should have more kids?

Mother's Day Essay Contest - Winning Entry

Having a courageous Birth

Interview with My 3.5 Year Old

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