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Magic Doula

12/29/2014

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Knock, knock, knock!

"We're so glad you're here!"

As a doula, I get to walk into some pretty amazing situations and give support.  Help that makes some parents believe I work some incredible magic into their lives. 

As a birth doula, I can push on the right spot, I can anticipate needing that drink, I can look deep into your eyes as you feel the bit of yourself unlock that you weren't sure was there. 

Oh, it's there alright, I'm looking right at it.  *magic*

As a postpartum doula, my "magic" looks different. 

I walk into a client's home, and it may look like this: the baby is crying, and mom or dad is walking, bounding, shhhhshing trying everything they can to get that baby to be calm.  The Netflix on, the dish washer is running.  Notifications from their cell phones won't stop because, "OMG, You guys!  You're parents!  Congrats!  This is so awesome!" 

Meanwhile...bouncing, shhhshing, walking...

Let's flip this to the adult world.  Imagine you have never been to a casino.  You have no idea that you will be bombarded with sounds, lights, noise, smells, and people.  There are constant bells going off with a new winner just beyond that row of flashing lights.  The clink, swoosh, clink, swoosh, of slot machines.  And the floor plan is huge - you feel like you have been walking for days through the maze of machines, tables, tvs, and people.  Someone is coming to you about every 15 minutes to see if you want to order food or a beverage from the bar. 

Clink, swoosh.  Clink, swoosh. 

You go to the bathroom to get a break and there are commercials playing on the (appropriately named) loud speakers. 

By the time you leave and get to your car, you need to sit there for a minute and let all that noise, all those lights, all that stuff to just fizzle out of your head.  It is totally overwhelming!  Think of Disney Land.  Think of your mall around the holidays.  Think of a rock concert.  All of these examples give an inkling of what your infant is feeling.

You may not think that your home, with it's comfy pillows, quirky art, and delicious meals is anything close to a hoppin' casino, but to your new baby, you are living at Caesars Palace! 

But the difference between you and your baby is you have had time to learn how to cope with the busy world.  You can leave if you want.  You can turn things off.  You can say, "Hey!  Knock it off over there!"

What can babies do?  Cry.  Cry, cry, cry, cry, cry. 

But you're holding them, and shhhhshing them, and walking with them!  What gives!

You may be trying to help, but unfortunately, it's backfiring. 

So I show up and I work my "magic." 

I change the babies diaper. 
I grab a cozy blanket that smells like mom.
I go to a dark, quiet place.
I wrap the baby around with smells of mom, and nestle him or her right in the crook of my neck. 
I make make a calm, low, shhhusing sound, and I lightly pat his or her bottom, over and over. 

No bouncing.  No Walking.  No lights.  I'm giving baby time to step back from that scary, confusing place, and replace all the sights, sounds, smells, and feelings with very, little else.  

It will take some time.  Put a comfy chair in the spot you will use to calm your baby. 

If this is you, Mom, reading this post, start all this with a big breath, and let your self relax too.  Baby will feel your stress, so if you need to put baby is a safe place for a few minutes, that's okay. 

Go back refreshed, realizing that for 9-months, all baby knew was you.  You were the world your baby belonged to. 

As you get to know your baby better, you will begin to recognize signs that baby is getting over stimulated.  You will then be able to plan how to keep it from happening. 

You already have the magic that comes from being the parent to this wonderful human.  With some insight into your baby's world, you will develop your own "magic" and the evenings with fussy baby will become easier and easier. 

Hang in there.  This get better. 

Authored by A Swift Doula
Special thanks to HelloDoDoshop on Etsy for use of their adorable image.  Visit their page for other adorable items.

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Dear New Mom

12/15/2014

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Dear New Mom –

Your baby is here!  You are probably holding him, or her, right now, wondering if it is normal to feel so much love.  How is it possible that a person can feel so much for someone that has just arrived? 

You are getting to know your baby today.  Smelling her head, looking at her perfect finger nails – each yawn and scrunched face is perfect and a remarkable moment. 

When he cries, your heart leaps out of you.  When your feed him, it is as though you can see your energy and strength pouring directly into his tiny body, because he is already bigger than yesterday.  Stop growing little baby!  Your changes are coming too fast!

Dear New Mom, you are tired today.  The hours no longer tick by in the same, reliable way they used to.  You seem to be in a new world, where minutes drag, and the wee, early bits of the day are now so familiar as you sit to feed and comfort your new child. 

Did you remember to eat?  Are you thirsty right now?  The idea of going to the grocery store is unbearable.  I know that car seat looks deceptively light.  I know it is the most awkward contraption.  I know the idea of taking your new baby in and out of it is terrifying. 

Dear New Mom, do you miss yourself?  Does this new person in your reflection surprise you?  Are you confused about when so much of yourself disappeared?   Has it only been a week or two?  Are you worried in a few months you won’t know yourself at all? 

Dear New Mom, have you noticed your strength yet?  Have you stretched out your arms and back and felt a pause when your baby is not there in that cozy crook?  Have you seen how you are able to sooth pain and discomfort in a way that no other person can?  Have you recognized that magic?

Dear New Mom, everything is going to be all right.  You are learning, your baby is learning, and everyone in your life is learning that you are a new person.  How could you possible prepare for something like this?  Each day will help to mold your resolve, embolden your instincts, and give you courage to make the decisions that no other person can make. 

When it gets to be to be too much, please know that your friends want to help you.  Please know that asking will feel like a huge hurdle, but people aren’t sure what you need.  Please know that you won’t be left in the cold with unbearable weights to hold.  You are loved.  Please ask. 

Dear New Mom, sooner than can be expected, you won’t be a new mom anymore.  You may see other new moms trying to figure out how to get in and out of the store.  You may see other new moms needing just a few minutes on her phone to zone out or be “normal.”  They may be unsure of how to talk to you and the world.  And it will hit you, you have figured some things out, all on your own.  Some things aren’t scary anymore!  You are on to learning older, different mom things!

We are all in this together, New Mom. 

Love,
A recently Not-New Mom

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Use Your B.R.A.I.N.!

12/11/2014

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Many women talk about having "baby brain" when they are going through pregnancy.  They can't remember the simplest things, or things that used to be easy to recall become increasingly difficult. 

As it gets closer to the end of pregnancy, some of my clients worry about it, thinking that they won't be able to remember important pieces of their birth plan as labor progresses. 

If this is you, first off, you're not alone.  You aren't losing your brain function, but you may lose your metal sharpness because of lack of sleep or stress, says Jane Martin, MD, director of the Neuropsychological Testing and Evaluation Center at New York's Mount Sinai Medical Center.
And I'd like to share something that should help ease some of your worries about possibly making the "wrong" decisions in labor. 

A tool I share with my clients is a way to respond to questions instead of reacting to them. 
        Respond - verb 1. to reply, 2. to react favorably
        React -
verb 1. to act in response to an agent or influence, 2. to act reciprocally upon each other, 3. to act in a                             reverse direction or manner, 4. to act in opposition

The tool is a handy acronym called B.R.A.I.N. 


B.R.A.I.N. stands for Benefits, Risks, Alternatives, Intuition, and Nothing. 

Here's how it works.  You are asked if you would like to have a procedure, for instance, having your membranes swept or stripped, to help induce labor.  You can ask questions to determine your options through the B.R.A.I.N. 

Benefits?  Risks?  Alternatives?  Intuition?  Nothing? 

A conversation with your birth doula about membrane sweeps may go like this:

You are past your due date, and at your last appointment, your doctor mentioned she could strip your membranes if you have not gone into labor.  You call your doula before going in, because, what?  What's a membrane?  Is it dirty?  It needs to be swept out, or something? 

So talk about it.  The basic procedure is explained and B.R.A.I.N. is used.

B - Benefits
You ask your doula: What are the benefits of having your membrane swept? 
She answers: It is possible that having your membrane swept will bring on labor.

R - Risks
You ask your doula: What are the risks to having my membrane swept?
She answers: Some women find the procedure to be painful, and it may inadvertently rupture your membranes (break your water.)

A - Alternatives
You ask your doula: What are the alternatives to having my membranes swept?
She answers: You can wait for labor to start on its own.

I - Intuition
Your doula asks you what your intuition is telling you?  How are you feeling about this?  Your doula should also reiterate that you have trust and a good relationship with your care provider, and whatever you choose is the correct decision for you.  (Because your doula should be supporting you with non-judgemental support!)

N- Do Nothing

You ask your doula: What if I don't have want my membranes swept?
She answers:  If you don't want your membranes swept, I encourage you to tell your care provider this BEFORE you have your vaginal exam at your next appointment. 

I hope this makes sense.  This isn't an exercise that favors natural birth over medicated birth.  It doesn't favor midwifery care over OB care.  It doesn't favor home birth over hospital births.  This is you.  This is a way for your values to be present at your birth.  There is room for facts and evidence, but also for feeling and experience.

In the example, this conversation is happening with a doula.  But guess what? You can do this WITH your doctor!  You can do this with your partner.  You can do this anytime!  If you need to make a decision, this is a tool you can use.  Heck, you don't even have to be pregnant! 

My daughter isn't to an age where this exact form makes sense, but I know this will be a tool I will keep in my parenting bag.  Because I hate to say it, but my "baby brain" didn't go away.  I need all the help I can get as I move through this complex role as parent, wife, and business owner. 

Let's use our BRAINs people! 

Authored by A Swift Doula



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ProDoula Trainings in Chicago

12/8/2014

4 Comments

 
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ProDoula just finished up another wonderful training in the Chicago area this last weekend, and I am so excited!  So excited for these women who are building businesses, building communities of support, and are now a part of the larger support network for new ProDoulas that will come in the future. 

One of the things I LOVE about training with ProDoula, isn't just that I am supported and was given incredible tools for being a successful doula and business woman, but they have a seemingly simple policy that blows my mind:  once you train with ProDoula, you can return to any future trainings of the same kind for FREE to sit, learn, refresh, and discuss ideas and topics with the women in that training. 

Not only has this allowed me to hone my skill and solidify my understanding in regard to some of the tools ProDoula teaches, but I get to connect - really connect - with the women at these trainings. 

Each group that goes through a training are going to have shared experiences and be bonded.  The closest thing I can compare it to is going to camp.  We are going to Doula Camp!  And it is fun, re-energizing, and another way for ProDoula to show real support for its members. 

And all this is about empowerment.  Helping women find their value so they help others find their value, in turn.  I've said this before - as a doula, I offer non-judgemental support.  When women are allowed to exercise their strength, they will blow your mind.   And that is what is happening with ProDoula.  Women are finding out that they are worth MORE.

And not just as a mother or doula, but worth more.  Full stop.  Every area of my life has a light shined on it as I learn and grow with this organization. 

I have support to grow.  I have support to take risks.  I am a part of a team unlike any team before. 

All this makes me a better doula.  And it is so amazing. 

Do you feel supported?  Have you ever felt what non-judgmental support feels like?  I get that from ProDoula, and It allows me to give it freely to you.  It is modeled to me by women who have been doulas for years and years and years, and sadly, it is so rare to find. 

Congratulations to all the new members of the ProDoula family!  We are so lucky to have you!

Authored by A Swift Doula
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Leaping Babies

12/2/2014

0 Comments

 

This blog has been moved to our main site, www.DoulasofChicago.com
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