Birth & Parenting, Podcasting & Retreats
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Name Shame

11/8/2014

3 Comments

 
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One of the changes to birth I, and many other birth workers, have witnessed in recent years is parents not wanting to share their expected child's name.

"We're waiting so it is a surprise," They say. 

What's really going on here?  

If I throw out the phrase Mommy Wars, are you familiar? 
Here...let me give you a small sampling of what is on the internet.  (Time article from a stay at home dad's perspective, More magazine links it to
assumptions about femininity, motherhood, marriage and finance, A Washington Post article mommy wars and the ensuing social demotion.)

I believe the Mommy Wars can be boiled down to one thing: fear.  Fear that choice equals judgement. 

Parenthood comes with a certain amount of stress and pressure.  But I don't believe women are prepared to feel the onslaught of emotions that come from other people's ideas about how to best nurture and raise their child. 

"Oh you're pregnant!  How wonderful.  Where are you delivering? ...oh!  A homebirth!  How...creative of you." 
"You are having a planned cesarean?  Haven't you seen the research that supports vaginal birth?"
"Are you planning to co-sleep?  You know crying it out just causes long term brain damage.  I forget where I read that but..."

And when it comes time to deliver her baby
, that mom is primed and on edge to be judged for every decision she will make regarding her child.  She may question her intuition.  She may feel she isn't going to be what her baby needs.  She may get overwhelmed researching what the latest research says, and feel paralyzed. 

This is why having labor support and/or a postpartum doula, can help.  Not only will there be incredible physical and educational resources at her fingertips, but she will be able to provide an emotional support that many women don't experience in pregnancy; a completely supportive partner. 

I am hired by women and their partners for many reasons, but sometimes, I have a prenatal conversation that goes something like this:

Me: Do you have any family members that will be present at your birth? 
Mother: My sister (mother, friend, in-laws, etc) really wants to be at the delivery, but...Would it be bad if we didn't call her when labor starts?

-or-

Me: Have you decided on a name?
Parents look at each other:  Well, we have but we aren't sharing it until he's born.
Me:  Ok.  I look forward to meeting him and being introduced!
Parents look at each other again:  Well, we are happy to tell you but we don't want our parents to know.  We just don't want to deal with them trying to change our minds. 

Ok.  I'm going to share something now that blows some client's minds... I offer non-judgemental support for women and their partners in labor and after. 

Non-judgemental support isn't just about how a woman may choose to deliver.  Non-judgemental support means I don't have an opinion on your baby's name.  I don't have an opinion, as your doula, on how you want to feed your child.  I don't have an opinion, as your doula, about who should be at your birth. 

I know some pretty awesome "tricks" for labor and with newborn care, but there is no trick here.  There is incredible value in being supported.  Incredible strength comes from being empowered.  So a tip if you are reading this as a support person to a pregnant woman, or new mom - be a support person she can come to when everyone else is supportive-with-strings-attached. 

Authored by A Swift Doula

3 Comments

Postpartum Doulas Could be The Key

11/3/2014

5 Comments

 
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As a Chicago Doula, I am so happy to be a part of such a fine birth community.  Our hospitals can serve thousands of families everyday, and the care Chicago mothers receive while pregnant, and in labor,  is fantastic. 

With
two major airports, if your family isn't here yet, they can be soon.  So bring that baby home and... FREAK OUT!



5 Comments

Not Your Birth (Announcement)!

9/11/2014

1 Comment

 

Keep your Twitchy Fingers to Yourself

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This was how many people found out my daughter was born.  "Welcome Harper Ransom Swift!  5:54 pm.  8 lbs 5 oz.  19 3/4 inches." 

I got her weight wrong by two ounces; hey I just had a baby!  I had called my dad, my mom was in the room, and my siblings were all over the planet.  I used social media to make it easy.  And since 2011, many other families have decided to do the same. 

BUT, what happens when the family isn't the one sharing the news?  What if you don't want to tell the millions of people on Facebook, or Twitter, or even through Email that your baby has arrived?  What if the birth announcement on social media is not from the parents, but from someone who isn't even that close with the family? 

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