A Swift Doula Blog, Chicago

U-Shaped Parenting

8/28/2015

"Let's talk about it."

It's not flashy, but it may be the most creative thing that I have ever shared with my daughter. And I say this because, of something I just heard yesterday.

I was listening to an interview with Todd Henry, author of the The Accidental Creative and most recently Louder Than Words where he talked about the "U shape journey" of the creative process. He described what was involved in the work of being a creative; the layers, experience, learning, time, challenges, and struggle that made success look easy...from the outside. And he affirmed that you can't get there without all of that stuff. That to make lasting, long term progress, sometimes we have to be inefficient in the short term to be effective in the long run.

I can't think of a better description of parenthood that I've heard in the last half of year.

Let me share a little bit more about this U shaped journey: he likens it to taking a hike down, through, and up a canyon. When we start our journeys, be it a project or parenthood, we can see across the gap to the other side. We can see the end result. We can see our baby breastfeeding well, that our baby sleeps through the night. We can see our toddler using a toilet and not using a diaper. We can see them reading books, or riding a bike, or learning to swim, or ANY of the millions of things our children will learn in this life.

In our minds we see the end. So we start. We get excited!

In essence we hike down the path.

We decide that we will try a sleep sack. Or a white noise machine. We start the process of introducing a potty and teaching cues to go pee. We spend time reading books to our children, we introduce letter sounds and names, and then sight words. We use scooters, then training wheels. We start at the beach on the sand, with toes and legs in the water.

Then we get to the bottom of the "U" and something happens.

We are surrounded by weeds. The path isn't as clear. We look up and can't see the end. It starts to get dark and we realize the trip is longer than we planned and we will have to camp out in the bottom of the canyon for a night.

When we are in the bottom of those canyons, when we have tried to keep our focus but the path gets blurry, it starts to feel like failure. It starts to feel completely hopeless. It starts to feel like a mistake.

We question our direction. We question our decisions. We question what got us excited in the first place.

But the next day, the sun comes up, and we have more light, we keep going on our path, and we we start to climb. We climb up the other side of the canyon - each step hard, but showing incredible progress. And before we realize, we are at the top, on the other side.

We are there, with our baby who can breastfeed seamlessly. We are there with our baby who is sleeping through the night. With our toddler who is potty trained, or our young child who can read herself a story or ride a bike, or swim for hours.

Through the canyons I have already hiked with my daughter and the many that are come come, I know I will continue to use a phrase that invites cooperation - "Let's talk about it."

I would talk with my girl friends when my baby was causing me worry. I would talk with my husband when it felt like I was losing my mind. And I would talk with my daughter. Even when she had no clue what I was saying.

Just recently, when she was not interested in picking up her room, she even said it back to me. "Let's talk about it, mom." And I was so happy that she used those words instead of fussing, and that she engaged in (if I'm being honest) a negotiation of sorts.

Everyone goes through these canyons. But from the outside we rarely see each journey. We rarely see them at the bottom of their "U."

And what I'm learning, and what Todd Henry affirms, is that the process is important.

For some families, deciding to have a baby is the starting point of their canyon. Prenatal education, IVF, IUI, surrogacy, or adoption are all huge undertakings.

Some families are able and happy to be pregnant, but are lost when it comes to birth and labor.

Some families are solid for labor, but have zero help or plan for postpartum.

When we are in the weeds and need help getting back on track, to get caught up, or to start the process with some help, you need to be able to know who can help.

Know that you don't have to to this alone. Contact me for early support for pre-pregnancy or labor support or postpartum support and you can have all the help you need along any part of your U-shaped journey.

Authored by Ariel Swift, A Swift Doula

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Birth Is A Pain In the Back!

4/5/2015

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There is this horror story that follows birth. Some women who have experienced it will shout with acknowledgment when she meets another who has suffered the same, "Yes! That was the worst! No one told me it was going to be like THAT!"

Ever heard of Back Labor?

Back Labor. The American Pregnancy Association refers to it blandly as, "the pain and discomfort that laboring women experience in their lower back."

Although women can experience sensations of pain and discomfort that vary widely, back labor is usually talked about in connection with the position of the baby. Some cramping or pressure is often felt at some point in labor. Back labor, however, is usually felt more consistently through labor, with contractions and without contractions.

What is back Labor? Why is it so bad? Why is there no break?
Back labor typically has some connection to how a baby is positioned. A woman has greater chances of experiencing back labor if the baby is OP, or occiput posterior. Posterior babies are sometimes called a "sunny side up baby," meaning the baby face is looking towards a woman's belly button.

The "ideal position" for a baby to be is head down and anterior - or the baby facing a woman's spine. Because the baby is flipped when posterior, the hard part of the baby's head - the back - is now close to the mother's back bone. Because of this close proximity, it is common for there to be pain, or back labor.

But if a baby is posterior, or even just not "ideal", there is an increased chance for pain, even if contractions are not yet started. Positioning is often the reason for pain.

Can back labor be prevented?

The short answer is no. It is not known beforehand if a woman will experience back labor. Even if a woman knows her baby is posterior, that does not mean she will feel back labor.

Just like every baby is different, every labor is different.

Some things that have been shown to help before labor begins to encourage "better" positioning are:

squats
sitting so a woman's knees are below her hips
sitting on a large exercise ball, or a "birth ball"
having chiropractic or massage therapy throughout pregnancy

What helps back labor pain?

"What do I do if this is me? What if I get back labor?!"

So what if you are the woman who get back labor? There is no guarantee that posterior babies mean back pain, or that anterior babies don't, so having skilled support and tools that encourage relaxation are things you can have some control over.

If you are in labor and experiencing back pain:

Positions to try

get off your back. If you are required to be in bed for medical reasons, try lying on your side, or even on hands and knees. A modified hands and knees position is better than laying on ones back.
walking, swaying movements
squatting or lunging with one foot propped up just a bit from the floor

Other methods of relief

use heat or cold on the areas of pain
applying counter pressure
hydrotherapy, such as laboring in a bathtub or shower

A challenging task for a laboring woman is relaxing, but having relaxed muscles and mind is a well known way to encourage labor to progress and ease pain. If you are concerned with back labor, having a support person that is able to aid with each contraction in the way that best suits you is priceless.

Support

Often times, women who have babies that are posterior also have labors that are longer and/or have erratic contraction patterns. This can mean many of the techniques described above will need to be used. This also means your partner may start to feel exhausted far before you are ready to deliver.

If you are concerned about coping with back labor, using a labor doula can be a great help, not just for you, but for your partner. If you are having contractions every 2-3 minutes, and require forceful counter pressure for the length of every contraction, your partner really is doing labor with you.

Although you cannot tap out and have someone else have contractions for you, giving your partner the chance to take breaks and alternate with your labor doula means you will have fresh support for your entire labor.

Doulas are able to provide educational support, emotional support, and especially physical support. And you deserve to have support that is there when you need it.

Because labor can be a pain in your back!

Authored by A Swift Doula

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World Doula Week - The invaluable side Of Doula Care

3/23/2015

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Yesterday, I shared that before becoming a doula, I had a wonderful, stable job working for Barnes & Noble. I had insurance! I had vacation days! I had access to interesting people with interesting things to say and I was helping my community through literacy! It was (how many more exclamation points do you need.....) ah-mazing!!!

And I made the choice to leave it.

I then made the choice to become a doula. A year and a half after starting my career as a doula, I became a ProDoula.

When I was introduced to ProDoula through a woman named Randy Patterson, a few things happened:

I stopped feeling guilty for needing to make a living
I realized my attraction to this work was not just as a woman doing women's work, but it was a deep seeded need in me to be WITH women.

For me, finding ProDoula was the key to a very large pad lock that opened feelings and memories that I had pushed away. Why? Because they didn't make me feel good! Because of judgement, disappointment, or guilt. And women are criticized for our feelings, aren't we? So I put them away.

And Randy Patterson and the other women I have been doing this work WITH, crawled in that deep dark space with me while sitting on Debbie Aglietti's basement floor. And they showed me what it was like to really be with Women's Women. Women who love other women. Women who want big, inspiring things. Women who understand that we will all do those big inspiring things in our own creative ways.

I was a good doula before I became a ProDoula. I knew all the right questions, I pushed on all the rights spots, I had the right information. But after ProDoula, I finally really understood the need, and power of women showing empathy.

Real support. Non-judgmental support. Being in the dark cave, together.

And as I unlocked all of the pain, guilt, and disappointment, I started to let other things go too. I started to let my "character flaws" out and stretch their sore limbs.

Turns out, what I thought was flippancy was the ability to adapt. Turns out what I thought was being bossy, was in fact my ability to be a decisive doer.

I came back from an amazing experience and I started to try out this new self, with all my feelings and memories and baggage out for any who took a minute to see it. And I started believing that my voice was powerful.

And I now with this found voice, I learned to be much better listener. I see and hear women trying to navigate through a world where pregnancy has made their own emotions a little closer to the top - those emotions are a little easier to access.

Those emotions and fears are valuable. They are valid. They are good.

I walk into a woman's living room, and her emotions get all over her face, and she feels bad. She feels wrong. And I get so sit with her, and look at her emotions on her face, and nose and hands and tissues, and be with her. And say that those emotions sound really hard and I am so glad she shared those really hard emotions with me.

It isn't a space many people are willing to go. My work lets me go there. I get to go there! I get to be a real women with other real women.

And this is only a small part of the work that I do.

But this is the invaluable part. This is the part that gets hard to explain in a fee.

I talk about my on-call schedule. I talk about being available on the phone. I talk about specific hours of time and things like how many times we will meet, because in our society, these are the things that can be measured and checked off a list. (And they are important too!)

But today, during World Doula Week, I wanted to talk a bit about what else the fee covers. Non-judgmental support. Being WITH you in labor. Having a person in the room who is comfortable with all the ugly baggage and still looks you in the face and says, hey I see you over there. Don't worry, I see you.

Authored by A Swift Doula

Other amazing writers are getting the word out about World Doula Week. Visit the World Doula Week Blog Challenge Blog Hop.

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World Doula Week: Why Hire a Doula?

3/21/2015

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What is a Doula?
A question that I'm hoping will get asked less and less, but a question I am happy to answer!

I am a doula in Chicago, and when meeting new people inevitably profession comes up.

"I'm a doula."
"A what?"
"A doula. I work with women and their families to help ease the transition from pregnancy to a new normal at home after birth."
"What does that look like exactly?"
And I go on and on...

Traditionally, the word doula means a woman who serves, or if we are going back to Greek origins, a woman slave. In the context of my work, it is specific to women who a pregnant looking for labor support, or who have recently delivered and are looking for postpartum support.

And here we are, in World Doula Week! A whole week devoted to learning more about this work, this profession, and how I can help you.

How can I help you?
Why is a doula something to consider for your birth or your postpartum life?

Nuts and bolts of my job means I can provide support in areas you need, such as education, physical support through labor, or emotional support through this huge life event.

Having a doula means I am there to support and encourage, support and inspire, support and listen, support and remind, support and observe.

All of this support comes without any inkling of judgement or opinion. This support is the kind that can cause a woman to empower herself to make decisions that would be hard to make if she felt she were alone. Decisions that might be hard to make if she started to compare her feeling to those of other women.

As women, we each have an authentic view of childbirth and that view is something to celebrate. But it can be hard to find it and own it if a woman only hears stories of opposing opinions or terrible experiences.

When with a woman as her labor doula or postpartum doula, I have the wonderful joy of seeing motherhood unfold and bloom. I hear ideas never voiced. I am told fears that have never been released. Through it all, I am there to look women in the eyes and tell them that they are exactly what their baby needs. That they are strong and brave, and their choices are valid. That their feelings are valid. That their desires are valid.

These are words women do not hear enough.

Why Hire a Doula?
If you have never heard of a doula or if you are starting to consider bringing one onto your birth team, I encourage you to think of events in your life that will be more important than the birth of your child and those early weeks learning about each other.

The birth of your child will be an event that you will remember for the rest of your life, and it will swell emotions - good or bad. Consider that for years and years to come, when you are still remembering these moments, that they will inspire positive feelings or negative feelings.

Having a doula is not a guarantee of an outcome, but having a doula will help you take ownership of your birth and help you "write a story they are proud to tell," as Randy Patterson pointedly says in her description of doula work.

Stay with me this World Doula Week 2015 as each day a different part of doula life gets discussed!

What about you? If you have questions to ask this would be a great week to discuss them! Write in below with a comment, or mail me direct at ASwiftDoula@gmail.com. I'd love to hear from you!

Authored by A Swift Doula

Other amazing women are getting the word out about doulas for World Doula Week. Visit The World Doula Week Blog Challenge Blog Hop

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Write Your Birth Plan. Then Throw it Out.

3/10/2015

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I love and hate birth plans. Or birth wishes. Or whatever you call them.

I love a birth plan because it gets parents involved in their birth. It is usually the first time many couples sit down and put what they want out in the open for each other to see. It can sometimes be the start to many very important conversations.

Ideas get organized. A view of what their birth will look like starts to take form. Couples start to have questions they can take to their doctors.

I hate birth plans because for many people it is the only discussion or the end of the discussion.

I've heard over and over, "Oh, it's in our birth plan that we want (fill in the blank) so I'm not worried."

So here is a little exercise. Let's play what if...

What if you forget to bring your birth plan to the hospital? Have you remembered what is important to you?

What if you are planning for freedom of movement and getting in water for pain management, but it becomes necessary that you stay close to monitors and out of water? Can you think of positions and locations for massage that will help you cope?

What if your partner gets sick? Do you have back up support you can call?

What if you are planning a vaginal birth, and it becomes evident that you require a cesarean birth? Have you talked about how this will impact your postpartum healing?

What if your baby need to be taken to the NICU (a neonatal intensive-care unit) after birth? Will your partner go with baby or stay with you? Do you have someone who can come to be with you until your partner returns?

Here is how I can help:

As your doula, many of the What Ifs above can be greatly improved if you hire me. I can help remember what was important - either by recalling conversations we've had, or by using B.R.A.I.N.

As your doula, I am present to help with positioning, with massage, counter pressure, comfort, and pain management. You don't need to know every beneficial position - I'll be your walking, talking, resource.

As your doula, I can be your support if your partner becomes unable - be it from sickness, from exhaustion, or for bathroom breaks and meals!

As your doula, I can help prepare you for what the cesarean delivery will be like, as well as help you make a plan for how to heal from an unexpected surgery. Doulas aren't just for vaginal deliveries. I have helped many mothers go through planned cesarean deliveries.

As your doula, I hope it isn't needed, but if your baby goes to the NICU, I can stay with you. You don't have to be alone while you wait for news or your partner to return.

And let's not forget - as your doula, I will help you write your birth plan. Because sometimes many families don't have any idea of how to get the conversation started in the first place, or what topics to cover.

So let's get together to see how I can help, both talking about the What Ifs, but also about how you can have the best possible preparation for the birth that you want.

Authored by A Swift Doula

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Your boobs are amazing

2/27/2015

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I love the moment when mom looks down at her new baby and then looks up at me with huge eyes. "She's doing it! She's latched!

Breasfeeding is a wild ride. The first days when baby licks, sucks, and is nourished by mom's magic yellow gold - colostrum in small, perfect portions. Going home on day two or three of your baby's life, and feeling the first signs that your breasts have started to produce more mature milk. Your body is feeding your baby!

Did you know your boobs are amazing?

As your doula, you can call me anytime in pregnancy and after. I am happy to support you through the transition from pregnancy to parenthood. But what does that mean?

It means, I get a text at 6:30am saying, "Is there something I should be doing different?! He fed fine in the hospital but last night was horrible!"

You don't have to say the words, "I need help breastfeeding!"

I come over, I give you a hug, look you in the eye, and we go over basics and get a fresh set of eyes (and an extra set of hands) to help assess whats going on.

And most times, with some pillows in the right spots, a quick refresher and some encouraging words, we get baby to breast.

It means, when baby seems to be fussy all the time, even after just eating, you can call me and share all your fears.

"What if I'm not making enough milk?!"

I meet you right where you're at. We talk about what's happening and how you are feeling. We talk about what you can do to put your mind at ease, and when you should call your pediatrician. Sometimes, it means I help you find a way to keep track of feedings and dirty diapers so you can really see how incredible this process is.

See! Look! Your breasts are feeding your baby! That is amazing!

As moms, we can read books and we can watch videos but we have to learn how to breastfeed. It is a process that you go through at the same time your baby is learning! Each feeding will get a little easier. Each time you are with your baby, you will know a bit more about each other. You will learn cues, signs, and an incredible bond is there already.

And look at that! Your boobs are amazing! Your body is feeding your baby!

Authored by A Swift Doula

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I have a Husband, He will Be my Doula...right?

1/26/2015

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I'm sorry to say, but No. (This is the short answer.) Your husband will not be your doula.

Going into your delivery, your role is very clear - you get to give birth to your baby. The role of your husband and the role of your doula are also very important, but different. Let me explain...

*Your Husband/Partner In Labor
Your husband/partner is the person that is emotionally invested in you and your child. This person will know your fears and history throughout your journey to this point, and they will have all of your feelings, cares, and expectations at the forefront of their minds.

This person will be someone you will be comfortable being around, and will provide calm and resolve the way only an intimate partner can. This is the person you have decided to do this with, this parenting thing - this is your together-in-this-beautiful-crazy-adventure person.

Your husband/partner will be able to connect with you on an emotional level that no other person can, as you created this baby together, and (for many) are entering into parenthood side-by-side, heart-to-heart, with great joy and great excitement.

*The Doula in Labor
The doula is present in your pregnancy to educate, and then support, the decisions you decide are best for you and your baby. Resources are provided, and referrals can be made with the healthy relationships she has cultivated in the community.

Once at the birth, the doula is there to provide assurance and support. The education that was provided prenatally will be ever ready should you or your partner have questions. The doula will be trained to push on exactly the right spot when you need it, and will be able to suggest ways to help ease pain.

But what is hard to convey until in the moment is when you are feeling contractions, and your doula is right there, eye to eye, showing you that YOU are normal, and what you are feeling is normal. In those moments, a doula's worth is more than information, but in connection to where you are.

There is great power in birth: physically, emotionally, and mentally. As your doula, it is a heady time when your needs and my intuition sync in such a way that I can't help but feel connected to you as each contraction moves through the room, just like the contractions moved through countless women before you. Your partner is there giving you comfort, I am there giving you a calm presence and a mirror to see your own strength with.

When you have that lovely combination of medical care from a provider you trust, emotional support from your partner, and physical support from your doula, you will be supported by an incredible birth team!

Did you have a doula at your birth? What were your partner's reflections on having a doula after the fact? I'd love to know!

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Legacy

1/20/2015

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Some people have children because they need to see themselves in the next generation. They need to know that part of them will live on after their own short life is over. They need a family legacy to share in the history of those who have worked so hard before them. They need someone to remember. They need to add something to this life.

Recently we suffered a great loss in our family. My husband's father passed away on December 31st and this last weekend we laid his ashes to rest. I really can't stop myself from thinking about how birth and death are such incredible things.

Being a birth doula, I am surrounded by unlimited potential. So many wonderful humans are being born everyday and they are already remarkable. And as soon as those bundles of joy are here, parents are born too, and they have choices to make and (POOF!) just like that, the pressure is on to be good, and right, and correct. (Although, as a parent, I have found there is great power and importance in allowing space for "wrong.")

And this is where we get down to the point: our legacy is something we have power over. How we are remembered is something we can influence through our actions, goals, and conversations. What we leave isn't just stuff, but feelings, ideas, memories.

As a parent, what do I want my child to remember about me and her time with me? As a doula, how am I adding value to my profession and my community? Why am I here?

These thoughts are helping me see through some of this groggy fog of grief. Hearing the wonderful stories about my father-in-law are refreshing and uplifting. The small part of life I witnessed was only a slice of his - he had 67 years of relationships that left their mark.

Just yesterday, the information that is in the image above was shared on social media. It struck such a chord with me that I had to stop and evaluate how I was conducting myself. I agree with the statement above and I needed to check myself against what it is encouraging.

I felt stronger/better in her presence. Yes. I want women to feel stronger in my presence. I want to lift up and not tear down.

She always did what she said. I want to be a mom of my word. I want to be a doula of my word. I want to be a business owner of my word. I want my statements to be meaningful.

She increased acceptance and compassion in others. Yes, I want to increase acceptance and compassion. I want to help bridge sides. I want to help grow understanding and tolerance.

She instilled strength in our daughters. YES. I want to instill strength in my daughter, and your daughter. I want the daughters of this world to be brave and fearless. I believe my last post speaks directly to this.

She educated the masses. I am not a trained teacher, but I will share my knowledge with any that will listen (or read, dear Reader). Knowledge is what started me on the path to this profession, and helping other mothers have knowledge to make decisions that are best for their families will be a steady driving force in my work. Women with information are unstoppable.

She encouraged open-mindedness. There is a saying, that the world is a book, and if you don't travel, you are only reading the first page. I want to encourage women to read past the first page of their autobiography. I want women to dive into themselves, their feelings, their histories and their prejudices. Ask questions - of yourself, of your care provider, of your surroundings, of your understanding of normal. I want to help open doors to the millions of possible answers.

She left her family a financial success. Yes. I don't think there is anyone that doesn't want this. But I want it so badly and share why it is so important to my daughter. I want to share with her that relationships should be shared because you want to share them, you want to be in them, not because you have to be in them. And I know this looks different for every family, but I know what this looks like for me.

Although these traits are labeled The Legacy of a Doula, they ring true outside of business. And perhaps that is a greater legacy: genuine, knowledgeable, available, and steadfast.

As Heidi Shulista from Kansas City Doulas asks, "For what will you be remembered? For whom are you living?"

So do you know, for what will YOU be remembered? For whom are YOU living?

Authored by A Swift Doula

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Magic Doula

12/29/2014

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Knock, knock, knock!

"We're so glad you're here!"

As a doula, I get to walk into some pretty amazing situations and give support. Help that makes some parents believe I work some incredible magic into their lives.

As a birth doula, I can push on the right spot, I can anticipate needing that drink, I can look deep into your eyes as you feel the bit of yourself unlock that you weren't sure was there.

Oh, it's there alright, I'm looking right at it. *magic*

As a postpartum doula, my "magic" looks different.

I walk into a client's home, and it may look like this: the baby is crying, and mom or dad is walking, bounding, shhhhshing trying everything they can to get that baby to be calm. The Netflix on, the dish washer is running. Notifications from their cell phones won't stop because, "OMG, You guys! You're parents! Congrats! This is so awesome!"

Meanwhile...bouncing, shhhshing, walking...

Let's flip this to the adult world. Imagine you have never been to a casino. You have no idea that you will be bombarded with sounds, lights, noise, smells, and people. There are constant bells going off with a new winner just beyond that row of flashing lights. The clink, swoosh, clink, swoosh, of slot machines. And the floor plan is huge - you feel like you have been walking for days through the maze of machines, tables, tvs, and people. Someone is coming to you about every 15 minutes to see if you want to order food or a beverage from the bar.

Clink, swoosh. Clink, swoosh.

You go to the bathroom to get a break and there are commercials playing on the (appropriately named) loud speakers.

By the time you leave and get to your car, you need to sit there for a minute and let all that noise, all those lights, all that stuff to just fizzle out of your head. It is totally overwhelming! Think of Disney Land. Think of your mall around the holidays. Think of a rock concert. All of these examples give an inkling of what your infant is feeling.

You may not think that your home, with it's comfy pillows, quirky art, and delicious meals is anything close to a hoppin' casino, but to your new baby, you are living at Caesars Palace!

But the difference between you and your baby is you have had time to learn how to cope with the busy world. You can leave if you want. You can turn things off. You can say, "Hey! Knock it off over there!"

What can babies do? Cry. Cry, cry, cry, cry, cry.

But you're holding them, and shhhhshing them, and walking with them! What gives!

You may be trying to help, but unfortunately, it's backfiring.

So I show up and I work my "magic."

I change the babies diaper.
I grab a cozy blanket that smells like mom.
I go to a dark, quiet place.
I wrap the baby around with smells of mom, and nestle him or her right in the crook of my neck.
I make make a calm, low, shhhusing sound, and I lightly pat his or her bottom, over and over.

No bouncing. No Walking. No lights. I'm giving baby time to step back from that scary, confusing place, and replace all the sights, sounds, smells, and feelings with very, little else.

It will take some time. Put a comfy chair in the spot you will use to calm your baby.

If this is you, Mom, reading this post, start all this with a big breath, and let your self relax too. Baby will feel your stress, so if you need to put baby is a safe place for a few minutes, that's okay.

Go back refreshed, realizing that for 9-months, all baby knew was you. You were the world your baby belonged to.

As you get to know your baby better, you will begin to recognize signs that baby is getting over stimulated. You will then be able to plan how to keep it from happening.

You already have the magic that comes from being the parent to this wonderful human. With some insight into your baby's world, you will develop your own "magic" and the evenings with fussy baby will become easier and easier.

Hang in there. This get better.

Authored by A Swift Doula
Special thanks to HelloDoDoshop on Etsy for use of their adorable image. Visit their page for other adorable items.

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Use Your B.R.A.I.N.!

12/11/2014

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Many women talk about having "baby brain" when they are going through pregnancy. They can't remember the simplest things, or things that used to be easy to recall become increasingly difficult.

As it gets closer to the end of pregnancy, some of my clients worry about it, thinking that they won't be able to remember important pieces of their birth plan as labor progresses.

If this is you, first off, you're not alone. You aren't losing your brain function, but you may lose your metal sharpness because of lack of sleep or stress, says Jane Martin, MD, director of the Neuropsychological Testing and Evaluation Center at New York's Mount Sinai Medical Center.

And I'd like to share something that should help ease some of your worries about possibly making the "wrong" decisions in labor.

A tool I share with my clients is a way to respond to questions instead of reacting to them.
Respond - verb 1. to reply, 2. to react favorably
React - verb 1. to act in response to an agent or influence, 2. to act reciprocally upon each other, 3. to act in a reverse direction or manner, 4. to act in opposition

The tool is a handy acronym called B.R.A.I.N.

B.R.A.I.N. stands for Benefits, Risks, Alternatives, Intuition, and Nothing.

Here's how it works. You are asked if you would like to have a procedure, for instance, having your membranes swept or stripped, to help induce labor. You can ask questions to determine your options through the B.R.A.I.N.

Benefits? Risks? Alternatives? Intuition? Nothing?

A conversation with your birth doula about membrane sweeps may go like this:

You are past your due date, and at your last appointment, your doctor mentioned she could strip your membranes if you have not gone into labor. You call your doula before going in, because, what? What's a membrane? Is it dirty? It needs to be swept out, or something?

So talk about it. The basic procedure is explained and B.R.A.I.N. is used.

B - Benefits
You ask your doula: What are the benefits of having your membrane swept?
She answers: It is possible that having your membrane swept will bring on labor.

R - Risks
You ask your doula: What are the risks to having my membrane swept?
She answers: Some women find the procedure to be painful, and it may inadvertently rupture your membranes (break your water.)

A - Alternatives
You ask your doula: What are the alternatives to having my membranes swept?
She answers: You can wait for labor to start on its own.

I - Intuition
Your doula asks you what your intuition is telling you? How are you feeling about this? Your doula should also reiterate that you have trust and a good relationship with your care provider, and whatever you choose is the correct decision for you. (Because your doula should be supporting you with non-judgemental support!)

N- Do Nothing
You ask your doula: What if I don't have want my membranes swept?
She answers: If you don't want your membranes swept, I encourage you to tell your care provider this BEFORE you have your vaginal exam at your next appointment.

I hope this makes sense. This isn't an exercise that favors natural birth over medicated birth. It doesn't favor midwifery care over OB care. It doesn't favor home birth over hospital births. This is you. This is a way for your values to be present at your birth. There is room for facts and evidence, but also for feeling and experience.

In the example, this conversation is happening with a doula. But guess what? You can do this WITH your doctor! You can do this with your partner. You can do this anytime! If you need to make a decision, this is a tool you can use. Heck, you don't even have to be pregnant!

My daughter isn't to an age where this exact form makes sense, but I know this will be a tool I will keep in my parenting bag. Because I hate to say it, but my "baby brain" didn't go away. I need all the help I can get as I move through this complex role as parent, wife, and business owner.

Let's use our BRAINs people!

Authored by A Swift Doula

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