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Father's Day Photo Contest - Selected Winners

6/21/2015

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Happy Father's Day.
Today is bittersweet.
This last December, we lost an incredible dad in our family.  My husband's father passed after a long battle with cancer.  At his funeral, my husband read one of his father's favorite poems, and I want to share it with you all, as it is a lovely and inspirational. 


Thank you to all who sent photos for this Father's Day Photo Contest!  Our family is feeling the sting of a new first without our Papa Gus, so being brought into so many of your lives where joy, love, and family are reflected so beautifully...thank you for sharing.  It is lovely to have a view into what life looks like in your world. 

And To all those who have lost a dad and are feeling that void today, know you are in my thoughts as well. 

If - by Rudyard Kipling
(‘Brother Square-Toes’—Rewards and Fairies)

If you can keep your head when all about you       
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,   
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,    
But make allowance for their doubting too;   
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,   
  Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,    
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:


If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;       
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;   
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster    
And treat those two impostors just the same;   
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken   
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,    
And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings    
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings    
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew    
To serve your turn long after they are gone,   
And so hold on when there is nothing in you   
  Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,       
Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,    
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute    
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,   
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,       
And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!
All the photos below have been shared with the expressed permission of their owners and are not for use outside of this post. Special thank you to Chelsea, Stephanie, Jennifer, and Cathy!!!
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Chelsea writes of her husband, "I just love a babywearing dad... so blessed my husband loves to wear our boys :)"
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Stephanie writes, "Cousins (9 mo and 2 years old) feeding fish with their dads on a hot summer day in MN."
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Jennifer writes, "This is a special moment when David was extremely tired and his Dad was there to comfort him."
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Cathy writes of her husband, "In addition to being a high school science teacher, Kiel volunteers at the Field Museum and Peggy Notebart Nature Museum. He is working towards becoming Illinois' first male doula and believes that investing his time into our children and his family is the highest priority. This is a picture of Kiel. It sums him up perfectly: a nature loving, not traditional, devoted father. I am proud to be his wife!"

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In memory of Gus, seen here in his favorite photo with our daughter at her 1st birthday.  We miss you!

Authored by A Swift Doula for Father's Day 2015
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Dad and Baby: developing a Bond

2/27/2015

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If you've gone through a child birth education class, you probably have knowledge of a hormone called Oxytocin.  Nicknamed "The Love Hormone," it is responsible for feelings of connectedness and bonding.  There is a rush of Oxycontin in the first hours of baby's life, which helps establish feelings of protectiveness and love in a new mom, and helps stimulate natural systems to work, such as returning the uterus back to pre-pregnancy size, and production of breast milk. 

But what about the parent that didn't deliver a baby?  How does bonding begin for the person that didn't get a jolt of hormones? 


If you are looking for ways to get Oxycontin flowing and to start creating a bond with your baby, here are some things that may help: 

  1. Feed that baby!  Baby associates good feelings with eating.  If possible be very close when breastfeeding, so your baby can see the faces of both parents.  It may feel silly, cramped or logistically difficult at first.  But imagine you are a family of spoons, nestled together.  Mom and baby can recline in the arms of dad, and you all can enjoy the experience. If pumping or bottle feeding, give dad the chance to have one-on-one feeding time. 
  2. Let dad have time before and after feeding sessions.  His voice, smell, and method will become a part of baby's routine.  If it's changing a diaper, gently burping, taking a walk around the house, or just holding baby close, bringing dad into these parts of the feeding process can help promote bonding. 
  3. Let dad soothe your crying baby.  As a mom, it can be hard to let your partner learn how to parent.  The feeling to jump in when ever baby cries is strong!  For a reason!  Those hormones that offer you the fountains of feel-goods can also make it hard to hear your baby cry.  But it is important for your partner to gain confidence in his ability to soothe, and it is important for baby to learn that this other person, this Dad, is someone that will offer comfort too.  Again, Dad's voice, smell, and demeanor will become things your baby will learn, and begin to associate with comfort.
  4. Encourage dad to find things he enjoys that he can share with baby.  It may not be the thing you would prefer he does with baby, but it may be just what they need.  I still remember cringing when my husband would sit on the couch with our young baby girl to watch rugby.  But now if she is having a hard time going to sleep, it isn't uncommon for her to ask him to put on a rugby game.  They then snuggle up together and before long, they are BOTH asleep.  
  5. Read a book together.  Not only will your baby enjoy hearing your voice, but you will help stimulate parts of your baby's brain that will help them learn about language, the world around them, and also the topic of you selected book.  Parents reading to their children has been shown to increase the likely hood that those children will be readers later, because the thing your child loves most, you, is connected with reading.  It's a win-win!

    How have you or your partner bonded with your child?  Do you remember anything that struck you as odd at the time but in hindsight was perfect for them?

    *NOTE:  I use husband and dad in this post, but I realize and acknowledge there are many ways for a family to be formed and the term husband does not encompass every family situation. 
Authored by A Swift Doula
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I have a Husband, He will Be my Doula...right?

1/26/2015

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I'm sorry to say, but No. (This is the short answer.)  Your husband will not be your doula.

Going into your delivery, your role is very clear - you get to give birth to your baby.  The role of your husband and the role of your doula are also very important, but different.  Let me explain...

*Your Husband/Partner In Labor
Your husband/partner is the person that is emotionally invested in you and your child.  This person will know your fears and history throughout your journey to this point, and they will have all of your feelings, cares, and expectations at the forefront of their minds. 

This person will be someone you will be comfortable being around, and will provide calm and resolve the way only an intimate partner can.  This is the person you have decided to do this with, this parenting thing - this is your together-in-this-beautiful-crazy-adventure person. 

Your husband/partner will be able to connect with you on an emotional level that no other person can, as you created this baby together, and (for many) are entering into parenthood side-by-side, heart-to-heart, with great joy and great excitement.


*The Doula in Labor
The doula is present in your pregnancy to educate, and then support, the decisions you decide are best for you and your baby.  Resources are provided, and referrals can be made with the healthy relationships she has cultivated in the community. 

Once at the birth, the doula is there to provide assurance and support.  The education that was provided prenatally will be ever ready should you or your partner have questions.  The doula will be trained to push on exactly the right spot when you need it, and will be able to suggest ways to help ease pain. 

But what is hard to convey until in the moment is when you are feeling contractions, and your doula is right there, eye to eye, showing you that YOU are normal, and what you are feeling is normal.  In those moments, a doula's worth is more than information, but in connection to where you are. 

There is great power in birth: physically, emotionally, and mentally.  As your doula, it is a heady time when your needs and my intuition sync in such a way that I can't help but feel connected to you as each contraction moves through the room, just like the contractions moved through countless women before you.   Your partner is there giving you comfort, I am there giving you a calm presence and a mirror to see your own strength with.     

When you have that lovely combination of medical care from a provider you trust, emotional support from your partner, and physical support from your doula, you will be supported by an incredible birth team!
 

Did you have a doula at your birth?  What were your partner's reflections on having a doula after the fact?  I'd love to know!


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