It is not often, but there are times when I am the Scapegoat Doula.  

It is not a comfortable spot to be, but it is recognized by birth workers that sometimes families need a release of tension and anger.  Sometime it comes out as blame.  And sometimes that blame is laid upon the doula.  

Birth is unpredictable.  A "perfect" pregnancy can turn into a high risk delivery extremely fast.  A well-progressing labor can turn into an emergency cesarean delivery.  Families are left with little opportunity to choose any option other than to follow their care provider's lead.

People know that they are not medical experts and they should take their care providers advice.  But doing so doesn't mean feelings of disappointment, confusion, and helplessness are easy to manage or understand.  

Families may be left asking: 

Why did this happen? 
Why couldn't I stop it?
What went wrong? 

And under it all, "WHY DIDN'T I GET TO CHOOSE?!"  

The loss of participation is extremely unnerving.  The handing over of one's body to be surgically cared for is not the image of child birth that makes many women get warm fuzzy feelings.   The sudden care by professionals is one of the many reasons women are happy to have birth in hospitals, but the hope is that those services will never be used.  

In instances an immediate medical response is necessary, families search for answers.  They look for reasons why.  They want a cause for the effect.  

And sadly, it is not such an easy thing to find for some.   

With as much as we know about birth and bodies, there is still no way to know what path a woman's labor will take.  

"I knew that it was time for the babies to come.  I went in for the cesarean, but then, they couldn't get the spinal placed right. I heard them talking normally, sometimes directly to me, but then they got quite and were whispering to each other.  I couldn't see anything.  Then the baby was born but they said he had to go straight to the NICU.  Then I was horrible nauseous, and I said I didn't feel right.  I wake up and was in a different room, and it seemed like four people had their hands inside my body.  Then I was told I might need an emergency hysterectomy.  They got it under control, but I needed blood transfusions and no one could tell me what was going on."

Hiring a labor doula does not guarantee an outcome.  Having a doula scheduled for postpartum care does not guarantee any result.  BUT, hiring a doula for your labor or recovery means you won't be alone.  And by sheer proximity, sometimes the doula is the emotional dump for the mother, partner, or the whole family.  

And that is ok.  

I can be that person for you.  

You can unload anything on to me.  

I am your doula.  

If your mother needs to send me angry text messages; I can read them, call her back, and talk her through what is going on.  

If your partner is freaking out and wants someone to blame; I can be blamed, I can be yelled at, I can take it.  

If you are angry and are confronted with feelings you don't know what to do with, you can yell and scream, and cry, and be angry with me if you need to.  

I can take it.  I am your doula.  

Doulas are present and helpful for birth and postpartum, and sometimes those events aren't completely happy and joyous.  It isn't talked about.  But it is real.  

Doulas are there for you thorough any situation.  Your goals become our goals for labor and recovery, and when goals aren't met, we know that those feeling are in direct disagreement with your vision of success.  

But even when your original version of a successful situation is shattered, your doula will be there to help you pick up the pieces, and be with you, still without judgement, because when there is no known reason why unfortunate events happen, you should hear that IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.

It is not your fault.  

You are not broken. 

It is not your fault.  

So know that a doula is not just for unmedicated birth.  Know that a doula is not just for position changes and encouragement through labor.  Know that a doula is there to help with the hard feelings just as much as the joyful feelings.  

I can help carry the load you bear.  I hope you won't need to use this part of my care, but please know that you can.  

Authored by A Swift Doula

I am so excited to share a conversation with Shannon Griffith, owner of Green Diaper Babies, Chicago's premier cloth diaper delivery service. 

I used disposable diapers with my daughter when she was a newborn, but was happy to convert to cloth diapers when she was about a month old.  Using cloth diaper with my daughter I fell in love with their ease, baby-friendly fabrics, and how well she was able to convert from diaper to using the toilet. What was most surprising for me getting started is that they can be just as simple as disposables. 

There is something out there called an All-In-One which was the selling point to get my husband on board.  Green Diaper Babies knew this kind of diaper would make a tremendous difference for families, and she is happy to offer this option as well as traditional pre-fold diapers. 

But don't get bogged down with this lingo - Green Diaper Babies offers a class for parents looking into diaper use.

Green Diaper Babies takes all the good qualities of using cloth diapers for your family and none of the bad, meaning, cleaning the soiled nappies!

Shannon has a love for families and the environment, and this venture is an extension of those passions.  Feel free to visit Green Diaper Babies for more information or - get this - call 773 - DIAPERS.  Love that.


Interview with Shannon Griffith

What led to the creation of Green Diaper Babies?  

An adventure! :)  I am originally from Colorado but living in Oklahoma at the time the seeds were planted in December of 2012.   I moved to Chicago in the summer of 2013 to get things started.  It will be 2 years in August and I'm so happy I took the leap to try Chicago, try cloth, and I can definitely say I found a passion!  

What have you learned your customers are concerned about?  

Our customers are concerned about usually a few reasons.  First, the environment; even making a small change, one cloth diaper a day would say 365 diapers from landfills! The numbers add up.  Another reason would be baby health: rash is slim or non existent, as well as skin sensitivities are eliminated because of the natural fiber.  Plus a baby in cloth diapers on average potty trains 6 months sooner!

Can you speak to the level of education that may be involved to encourage people who may not know this diaper option exists?   

Parents overall are becoming better at looking at options, trying to be open minded and find what parenting styles and techniques they want for their family.  Cloth is one of those choices.  Cloth is not as mainstream yet as it ought, but certainly has progressed over the past generation and we can only hope this continues.  Most families who are looking into better, holistic, healthier options for their family often turn to cloth.

What is your favorite part of the cloth diaper business?

Oh my, my favorite part?  I have given a couple of years of my full attention and passion to the the cloth diaper business and really love it.  I have experienced every part of this company and I wouldn't trade it for anything!  My favorite part is that at the end of the day, the long week, and the load of laundry, I know that I've had a positive impact on my friends, city, and earth.  I'm making a difference in a small way and I sleep well at night knowing that one less diaper is in the landfill and one more baby slept well in cloth.  I wouldn't be in the business if it wasn't for the wonderful families I work with daily! 

The cloth diaper market has many different options and brands.  How did you come to your decision on which brands you would use? 

I knew we would carry the traditional cotton pre-fold as it is the most basic, traditional, yet approachable and affordable.  Our All-In-One diaper decision was a bit harder because we knew we would be standing out.  The All-In-One diapers are often not offered in services across the nation and I chose to give them a shot.  I came into the industry with a fresh eye and saw the modernization of cloth.  I knew my company needed to be on that page to offer the best for our customers.

How do you offer ongoing support to families who use your service? 

One of the best things I think we offer in our service is our free in-home consultation for each of our clients.  Though this technically happens before they begin the service, it sets every new client up for success!  We take time to meet with each family individually to practice putting diapers on, review products and policy, and to have a face to a name. This helps us in our relationships going forward because we know siblings, pets, babies, and parents names and environments.  Now that the weather is nice we also coordinate Meetups for our customers and other cloth diapering families in and around Chicago.  We meet in parks and cafes to talk and share stories and mingle.  It's a real blast!  

What have some of the responses been from customers? 

I'm thankful to say that most customer responses have been positive.  Over the course of the couple years I've had the opportunity to watch little ones grow and I am thrilled to have been a part of their lives!  The families are terrific and allow us to be succeeding.  Often we hear good reviews on our service, which for me is most important, so I am thankful for that!! 

What parts of Chicago do you service?  

We service every zip code of the city of Chicago; we go North through North Shore to Highland Park, West to Elgin an Aurora, South to Tinley Park, and of course everything in between! 

What is the best way for people to learn more about cloth diapering through a diaper service? 

We offer free Cloth Diaper 101 course usually twice a month.  We have classes in the suburbs, West Loop, Lincoln Park, Ravenswood, and Evanston. We try to meet in spaces that are relevant for our customers such as prenatal gyms, chiropractor and acupuncturists who workwith pre- & postnatal, and birthing centers and studios. Our workshops discuss options of washing at home or cloth diapering with a service.  And as mentioned before, we also offer the free in-home consultation for our customers, which is a great one-on-one.  And if schedules don't allow or class doesn't work out, call us: 773-DIAPERS.  We are happy to talk about cloth diaper with you!

Thank you so much to Shannon and her team that makes this incredible service possible!  If you are looking for more information about Green Diaper Babies, visit their website at www.greendiaperbabies.com

Ever get smacked in the face with a lesson?  One of those awakenings that is both blunt and truthful.  One which, after you notice it, you can't help but be smacked over and over with the day-to-day situations where you never noticed before?

For me it's apologizing.  Or was.

I was at a party last fall where I was called out by a friend (in a nice way) who made me realize I am/was a habitual apologizer.  I would say "I'm sorry" in situations that were just plain unnecessary.

We have a language where hundreds and hundreds of other words could be used, and I was editing down to an apology.  I know I'm not the only one here that can identify with this.

Mostly I know because I work with people who do it all the time.  New moms.  (I would say parents, but I don't really have moments with male parents where this comes up.)

And moms are saying it about things that require no apology.  At all.  Like feeling pain while in labor.  Or needing to feed their baby...again. 

Things like:

• Having contractions Oh, wait just a minute, I'm sorry, I can't answer your question I'm having a contraction....
• Being thirsty in labor I'm so sorry, can you get me my drink?
• Changing positions No, no, no...I need to move, I'm sorry this position just doesn't feel good!
• HAVING A BABY I'm sorry I made such a mess!
  
  

And it isn't reserved for the delivery room.  When moms get home, the I'm sorrys just keep coming:

• Being sore I'm sorry I'm moving so slow.
  
• A messy house (even if it isn't messy) I just haven't had time to pick up.  I'm sorry you have to see it like this.
• A crying baby  I'm sorry!  I'm sorry! 
  
• Being in Bed  I'm so sorry you have to be in here and see me like this. 
  

All of the things mentioned above are real situations that have happened, and I would bet all are common for many other doulas as well.  Some women prefer to be extremely private, so for them it IS completely odd and horrible that a visitor would be in her home and see this part of life. 

But guess what.  I'm a doula. 

It's not a statement I make often, but in reality I've seen a lot of vaginas and touched a lot of breasts.  The world of birth is not a scary or grotesque world for me, and the state of your living room, your baby's temperament, or your manner of dress are not judged.

You don't get points deducted for having unopened mail or a sink full of dishes.  In fact, how about I do those dishes real quick for you...No...it's fine...just relax!  Tell me how you're feeling.  How was last night? 

One of the things I talk about with my clients is how to prepare with realistic expectations of the postpartum period.  Not just with their own bodies, but with guests and family too. 

If it is important to you to have a clean home and a spread ready to go whenever guests may arrive, let's talk about ways I can help you prepare for that so you personally won't have to take over the brunt of that work AND the work of being a new mom. 

Sorry Not Sorry

Hashtags can be cheeky, silly, expressive, annoying, or whatever....

But I have fully embraced the #sorrynotsorry hashtag.   It was a step in my recovery, if you want to call it that.  

Just because I was made aware of my habit of apologizing didn't make it easy to unlearn it.  It took practice.  Quite a lot actually.  Months of it. 

But it has been a wonderful change.  Freeing. And I can see this as a positive change both for me and my daughter.  I want her to see me using an apology at times where it holds meaning and value.  I don't want to cheapen the phrase through overuse and inappropriate timing. 

I won't pretend that I understand your personal relationship with the phrase, "I'm sorry."  But I know in birth and recovery for the 6 weeks after (or more), there is a new normal where the feelings and tasks that used to be easy are no longer easy. 

There are no apologies necessary for that change.  It is not your fault.  It just is.

I'd love to hear from you reader!  Do you have a #sorrynotsorry moment you want to share? 
What was early recovery and postpartum like for you in your home? 
Did you feel guilt and if so, what for?

Authored by A Swift Doula