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Mother's Day Essay Contest - Winning Entry

5/10/2015

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Thank you to all the women who took the time to write in and share their wonderful stories of incredible women in their lives!  The winning submission comes today from Jennifer Holman.  Her words speak to the countless mothers that come into our lives and make the day to day possible.  The intimacy that is shared between women going through life together is the focus of her mother's day essay. 

So to all the mothers out there, with children in your arms, or in your hearts; for those you can see, and those that left our world too soon; for those that came from your body, or came to your family through the body of another - Happy Mother's Day. - A Swift Doula

My husband is my soul's partner, my heart, my joy - he completes me in all the grander concepts. But in the long and sometimes lonely daytime hours of raising kids at home - filled with their inevitable ups and downs, a thousand small miracles and just as many daily drudgeries - the companionship of women friends has been, at times, as essential to my life as any other relationship. 

I'm not talking about "girlfriends" exactly, those spritely angels who whisk us away from our children and households for the occasional escape. They are essential in their own way.

I'm talking about the women whose lives run alongside ours, parallel in some way or another, wherein we come to gently and happily rely on each other. Sometimes it's just a smile, some moral support from someone who understands how harried life can get. A moment of human connection in between activity drop offs and grocery shopping. Other times this friend is the first person to know when we've had bad news, or when we need someone to watch the kids in an emergency. Sometimes they know more about us than anyone else. 

I see people for whom this is a lifelong relationship, like a sister or best friend, though sometimes we meet equally amazing women who are in our lives for just a season. Our kids are in the same school, or we are running the local Girls Scout troop together… Whatever the duration, a camaraderie exists, and an unexplained intimacy forms in which we live our day to day lives loosely in sync.

Touching base with phone calls or texts, taking turns with carpool, and coffee runs. They help us get through a certain stage in our lives that otherwise might have been lonely or difficult. Their companionship makes the road smoother, makes the sometimes bland seem sweeter. Or when all else fails and all you can do is laugh, funnier. 

I used to feel sad when such seasons would end. Back when my children finished preschool, I felt as if I was graduating as well - starting somewhere new, not knowing the terrain very well. A bit at a loss.

A fairly close group of us had been raising our children together for a few years, and I knew that I would see these wonderful women less and less.. I think that while we don't all see each other with the same frequency, and didn't remain as close, that bond still exists somewhere, there is still that sisterhood. They shared something with me - over coffees and bleary, tired, half-smiles - that I'll always have. Their personal experiences. Advice that made me realize my own feelings about an issue. Insight into a different culture, or way of life. A laugh when I need one. They were integral to that stage of life and motherhood for me. They've stayed with me in many ways.

And now new friends are added to those older treasures. Traveling friends, online friends, homeschooling friends, others we meet as we make our way, being us, doing what we do. I am always amazed that I think I've met my fair share of kindred spirits along this road, and still more come. It's a veritable tribe of smart, interesting, caring, funny women that I carry along with me in this journey every day.
It has been a dream of mine to host a Mother's Day brunch for all of these amazing moms I know, to acknowledge how they give their whole hearts to mothering every day and still have time for all their acts of kindness and generosity and love for the women around them, and for me. But I could probably never gather so many people around one table. Surely my heart would burst with joy and gratitude before I could intelligently speak, but this is what I hope I would say: 

You build me up. I am better because I've known you. Thank you.

Authored by Jennifer Holman. 
Some spacing and emphasis by A Swift Doula
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Author of this year's winning essay contest, Jennifer Holman!

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Doulas and doctors: Very different Roles

3/28/2015

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There are many people you may have with you in your pregnancy and birth journeys. A few possibilities are:
  •  OB-GYN or Midwife
  • Fertility specialist
  • Lactation Counselor, or IBCLC
  • Chiropractor
  • Acupuncturist
  • Pre-natal Yoga instructor
  • Spiritual Guide
  • Your partner
  • Your family and friends
  • And if you decide, also your Doula
As a doula I believe that I am one member of your "birth ensemble."


Why build a Birth Ensemble?

Ensemble Definition
:
noun, plural ensembles
1.
all the parts of a thing taken together, so that each part is considered only in relation to the whole.

I used to think of my self as a team member.  But team also brings up images of competition, of "winning," of someone "sitting on the bench" or a "most valuable player." 

During pregnancy and birth, it is absolutely inappropriate to have a "winning" and "losing" side.  Unfortunately, that is not what some women take away from their birth.

As doulas, part of our role is to help the entire birth space be calm.  That includes the medical staff, your partner, and anyone else that enters your space. 
All the people that will come in contact with you need to work together.  A partner can't do what a midwife does.  A midwife can't do what your family does.  A doula can't do what an OB does, and vice versa.  Every member has a role to play, each unique to their strengths. 

When a laboring woman has the intimate connection from her partner, the medical training and expertise of her care provider, and the emotional and attuned care from her doula, they all work to bring about a unique setting that is appropriate from that woman. 

Having a birth "ensemble" gives a woman the reassurance, freedom, and knowledge to make decisions that will be best for her, and the ability to take ownership of her birth.

Doulas are NOT medically trained professionals


Because doulas are not medically trained professionals, doulas do not provide clinical or medical care.  This means doulas do not provide examinations.  They do not provide assessments.  They do not provide recorded monitoring. 
  • No vaginal exams
  • No blood pressure checks
  • No diagnosis
  • No suggestions for treatment
Doulas are also not a guarantee of an outcome.  We are not able to predict how your baby will be born, or give you any certainty that your birth will end the way you first thought. 


When doulas and doctors work together:
The result is a better birth

An unfortunate reality with today's medical system is that hospitals staff have more and more responsibilities.  Doctors are balancing office hours with laboring clients.  Nurses are trying to chart accurately and give attention to women, some who need more from them than they can sometimes provide. 

The reality is that an efficient system of patient care management may not allow for the amount of attention a woman feels she needs in labor.

A doctor's main concern is healthy mom, healthy baby.  A doula's main concern is healthy mind, healthy bond.  Neither of these is more important than the other.  

This is how doulas can help birth at hospitals:
  • By encouraging increased conversation and understanding, the mother will understand or ask for clarification ensuring that informed consent has been reached.
  • Important factors influencing patient satisfaction during labor are the quality of the caregiver-patient relationship, involvement in decision-making, and amount of support from caregivers.  Having a doula present can greatly increase the chance that a mother will remember her birth as a positive experience. 
  • The recent Cochrane Collaboration review of over 15,000 mothers in 22 studies confirmed that births with trained doulas present are less likely to have certain interventions. Thus, certain complications that may occur as a result of their use do not happen.  (*This does not mean that having a doula present will result in a certain outcomes.) 
  • Influences of family structure, language, culture, exhaustion and personality can mean various challenging social situations. When the doula is aware of the mother’s desires she can intercept or smooth over interpersonal problems between hospital staff and the patient. Although the mother employs the doula, the doula increases communication, understanding and respect between the physician and the family. 

Worth repeating:

When a laboring woman has the intimate connection from her partner, the medical training and expertise of her care provider, and the emotional and attuned care from her doula, they work together to bring about a unique setting that is appropriate from that woman. 

Having a birth "ensemble" gives the mother the reassurance, freedom, and knowledge to make decisions that will be best for her, and the ability to take ownership of her birth. 

Healthy mom, healthy baby, healthy mind, healthy bond.  When doulas and doctors work together, families benefit.

Authored by A Swift Doula
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Other amazing writers are getting the word out about World Doula Week. Visit the World Doula Week Blog Challenge Blog Hop. 
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Mother's Day Essay Writing Contest

3/12/2015

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I am so excited to announce the 1st annual Mother's Day Essay Writing Contest! 

I know we have amazing mother's in our lives, and I want to know about them!  Take some time to write no more than 750 words about the mom, friend, wife, or neighbor that you think deserves a bit of recognition.  Or you can write in yourself about why you LOVE being a mother!  The selected winner will receive a $50 gift card to Yolk for brunch in Chicago, as well as be featured here on A Swift Doula's Blog! 

Submissions are due on or before April 30th.  Please submit essay via email to ASwiftDoula@gmail.com with the subject line of Mother's Day Essay Contest.  Winners will be announced on Mother's Day!

Submissions can be made by people of all ages, however paper submissions are not accepted at this time - if you know of a little person that would like to write in, let them!  Just please help them type it and send it.   

I appreciate your participation in this and thank you in advance for the great stories you are going to send.  If you have a photo you would like to attach with the essay, that is also a bonus, but not required.  If a photo is sent, It will be used with the winning essay's blog post. 

Best to you all and happy early Mother's Day!

Authored by A Swift Doula
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