"Let's talk about it."

It's not flashy, but it may be the most creative thing that I have ever shared with my daughter.  And I say this because, of something I just heard yesterday.

I was listening to an interview with Todd Henry, author of the The Accidental Creative and most recently Louder Than Words where he talked about the "U shape journey" of the creative process.  He described what was involved in the work of being a creative; the layers, experience, learning, time, challenges, and struggle that made success look easy...from the outside.  And he affirmed that you can't get there without all of that stuff.  That to make lasting, long term progress, sometimes we have to be inefficient in the short term to be effective in the long run. 

I can't think of a better description of parenthood that I've heard in the last half of year. 

Let me share a little bit more about this U shaped journey: he likens it to taking a hike down, through, and up a canyon.  When we start our journeys, be it a project or parenthood, we can see across the gap to the other side.  We can see the end result.  We can see our baby breastfeeding well, that our baby sleeps through the night.  We can see our toddler using a toilet and not using a diaper.  We can see them reading books, or riding a bike, or learning to swim, or ANY of the millions of things our children will learn in this life. 

In our minds we see the end.  So we start.  We get excited!

In essence we hike down the path. 

We decide that we will try a sleep sack.  Or a white noise machine.  We start the process of introducing a potty and teaching cues to go pee.  We spend time reading books to our children, we introduce letter sounds and names, and then sight words.  We use scooters, then training wheels.  We start at the beach on the sand, with toes and legs in the water. 

Then we get to the bottom of the "U" and something happens. 

We are surrounded by weeds. The path isn't as clear.  We look up and can't see the end.  It starts to get dark and we realize the trip is longer than we planned and we will have to camp out in the bottom of the canyon for a night. 

When we are in the bottom of those canyons,  when we have tried to keep our focus but the path gets blurry, it starts to feel like failure.  It starts to feel completely hopeless.  It starts to feel like a mistake. 

We question our direction.  We question our decisions.  We question what got us excited in the first place. 

But the next day, the sun comes up, and we have more light, we keep going on our path, and we we start to climb.  We climb up the other side of the canyon - each step hard, but showing incredible progress.  And before we realize, we are at the top, on the other side. 

We are there, with our baby who can breastfeed seamlessly.  We are there with our baby who is sleeping through the night.  With our toddler who is potty trained, or our young child who can read herself a story or ride a bike, or swim for hours. 

Through the canyons I have already hiked with  my daughter and the many that are come come, I know I will continue to use a phrase that invites cooperation - "Let's talk about it." 

I would talk with my girl friends when my baby was causing me worry.   I would talk with my husband when it felt like I was losing my mind.  And I would talk with my daughter.  Even when she had no clue what I was saying. 

Just recently, when she was not interested in picking up her room, she even said it back to me. "Let's talk about it, mom."  And I was so happy that she used those words instead of fussing, and that she engaged in (if I'm being honest) a negotiation of sorts. 

Everyone goes through these canyons.  But from the outside we rarely see each journey.  We rarely see them at the bottom of their "U." 

And what I'm learning, and what Todd Henry affirms, is that the process is important. 

For some families, deciding to have a baby is the starting point of their canyon.  Prenatal education, IVF, IUI, surrogacy, or adoption are all huge undertakings.

Some families are able and happy to be pregnant, but are lost when it comes to birth and labor. 

Some families are solid for labor, but have zero help or plan for postpartum. 

When we are in the weeds and need help getting back on track, to get caught up, or to start the process with some help, you need to be able to know who can help. 

Know that you don't have to to this alone.  Contact me for early support for pre-pregnancy or labor support or postpartum support and you can have all the help you need along any part of your U-shaped journey.   

Authored by Ariel Swift, A Swift Doula

I am so excited to share a conversation with Shannon Griffith, owner of Green Diaper Babies, Chicago's premier cloth diaper delivery service. 

I used disposable diapers with my daughter when she was a newborn, but was happy to convert to cloth diapers when she was about a month old.  Using cloth diaper with my daughter I fell in love with their ease, baby-friendly fabrics, and how well she was able to convert from diaper to using the toilet. What was most surprising for me getting started is that they can be just as simple as disposables. 

There is something out there called an All-In-One which was the selling point to get my husband on board.  Green Diaper Babies knew this kind of diaper would make a tremendous difference for families, and she is happy to offer this option as well as traditional pre-fold diapers. 

But don't get bogged down with this lingo - Green Diaper Babies offers a class for parents looking into diaper use.

Green Diaper Babies takes all the good qualities of using cloth diapers for your family and none of the bad, meaning, cleaning the soiled nappies!

Shannon has a love for families and the environment, and this venture is an extension of those passions.  Feel free to visit Green Diaper Babies for more information or - get this - call 773 - DIAPERS.  Love that.


Interview with Shannon Griffith

What led to the creation of Green Diaper Babies?  

An adventure! :)  I am originally from Colorado but living in Oklahoma at the time the seeds were planted in December of 2012.   I moved to Chicago in the summer of 2013 to get things started.  It will be 2 years in August and I'm so happy I took the leap to try Chicago, try cloth, and I can definitely say I found a passion!  

What have you learned your customers are concerned about?  

Our customers are concerned about usually a few reasons.  First, the environment; even making a small change, one cloth diaper a day would say 365 diapers from landfills! The numbers add up.  Another reason would be baby health: rash is slim or non existent, as well as skin sensitivities are eliminated because of the natural fiber.  Plus a baby in cloth diapers on average potty trains 6 months sooner!

Can you speak to the level of education that may be involved to encourage people who may not know this diaper option exists?   

Parents overall are becoming better at looking at options, trying to be open minded and find what parenting styles and techniques they want for their family.  Cloth is one of those choices.  Cloth is not as mainstream yet as it ought, but certainly has progressed over the past generation and we can only hope this continues.  Most families who are looking into better, holistic, healthier options for their family often turn to cloth.

What is your favorite part of the cloth diaper business?

Oh my, my favorite part?  I have given a couple of years of my full attention and passion to the the cloth diaper business and really love it.  I have experienced every part of this company and I wouldn't trade it for anything!  My favorite part is that at the end of the day, the long week, and the load of laundry, I know that I've had a positive impact on my friends, city, and earth.  I'm making a difference in a small way and I sleep well at night knowing that one less diaper is in the landfill and one more baby slept well in cloth.  I wouldn't be in the business if it wasn't for the wonderful families I work with daily! 

The cloth diaper market has many different options and brands.  How did you come to your decision on which brands you would use? 

I knew we would carry the traditional cotton pre-fold as it is the most basic, traditional, yet approachable and affordable.  Our All-In-One diaper decision was a bit harder because we knew we would be standing out.  The All-In-One diapers are often not offered in services across the nation and I chose to give them a shot.  I came into the industry with a fresh eye and saw the modernization of cloth.  I knew my company needed to be on that page to offer the best for our customers.

How do you offer ongoing support to families who use your service? 

One of the best things I think we offer in our service is our free in-home consultation for each of our clients.  Though this technically happens before they begin the service, it sets every new client up for success!  We take time to meet with each family individually to practice putting diapers on, review products and policy, and to have a face to a name. This helps us in our relationships going forward because we know siblings, pets, babies, and parents names and environments.  Now that the weather is nice we also coordinate Meetups for our customers and other cloth diapering families in and around Chicago.  We meet in parks and cafes to talk and share stories and mingle.  It's a real blast!  

What have some of the responses been from customers? 

I'm thankful to say that most customer responses have been positive.  Over the course of the couple years I've had the opportunity to watch little ones grow and I am thrilled to have been a part of their lives!  The families are terrific and allow us to be succeeding.  Often we hear good reviews on our service, which for me is most important, so I am thankful for that!! 

What parts of Chicago do you service?  

We service every zip code of the city of Chicago; we go North through North Shore to Highland Park, West to Elgin an Aurora, South to Tinley Park, and of course everything in between! 

What is the best way for people to learn more about cloth diapering through a diaper service? 

We offer free Cloth Diaper 101 course usually twice a month.  We have classes in the suburbs, West Loop, Lincoln Park, Ravenswood, and Evanston. We try to meet in spaces that are relevant for our customers such as prenatal gyms, chiropractor and acupuncturists who workwith pre- & postnatal, and birthing centers and studios. Our workshops discuss options of washing at home or cloth diapering with a service.  And as mentioned before, we also offer the free in-home consultation for our customers, which is a great one-on-one.  And if schedules don't allow or class doesn't work out, call us: 773-DIAPERS.  We are happy to talk about cloth diaper with you!

Thank you so much to Shannon and her team that makes this incredible service possible!  If you are looking for more information about Green Diaper Babies, visit their website at www.greendiaperbabies.com

Making choices takes a lot of energy. 

What I'm talking about is being proactive.  Being forward thinking.  Investing time into planning instead of wasting time reacting. 

I have talked a little bit about reacting and responding, and some of the differences in a post last December about decisions in labor.  It can be hard to feel prepared for something that you didn't know would happen, so having the B.R.A.I.N. tool ready can be a huge help!

But that's the game of life right?  We never really know what is coming next in the big picture, so we do the best we can.  We budget our money, we allocate our energy, we prioritize our schedules.

And then we have kids.

And nothing is ever really child-proof.  Time ceases to operate as we thought.  Emotions are fickle.  We are caught unable to plan for dinner, let alone the week, month, or next 18 years. 

There is so much time for planning when you are pregnant.  There are parties, books being read, thoughts about going-home outfits, car seat selection... all that time will feel luxurious compared to what happens after your baby arrives. 

There is a term that circulates:  baby brain.  It is the feeling of having lost one's ability to think logically, or remember events or facts once your baby is born.  Some of it comes from being woken up every 2 to 3 hours.  Some of it comes from being bewildered by this new little love in your life, and some of it is complete unexplainable. 

(Some moms tell me they feel like part of their brain was actually sacrificed and given to this new human.  They hope their old self will come back!) 

The eerie passing of time, the new responsibilities, the reality of your expanding family can make all the plans you had fly right out the window.  Responding turns into reacting.  And events regress into meeting the needs that now come hour by hour. 

This is hard for many parents, but this is totally normal. 

What I hope for new parents is that when there are able hands near to help, and that the loads will feel lighter instead of heavier. 

Sometimes visitors who are trying to be helpful end up being a burden or making a bigger mess.  Sometimes family that is there to support instead inflicts judgement.  Sometimes there is no one else. 

When you are in your planning stages for you expanding family, keep in mind that a person you can count on to help ease your load is a postpartum doula. 

Your postpartum doula can help with new infant care or help nurture your family with meals.  Your postpartum doula can support your breastfeeding journey and help you get sleep.  Your postpartum doula can listen to your concerns and help you feel better prepared for what is next. 

A postpartum doula will not do one thing - and that is make your new normal harder for you or your family. 

I invite you take some time, while it is in so much abundance, and consider if bringing a postpartum doula into your after-care plan is a proactive step you can take to help with all of the unexpected situations a new infant brings to your family. 

You are everything your new baby needs.  A postpartum doula can be there to ensure you feel up to responding to your new role.  

Question: Have you used a postpartum doula?  What was the more unexpected benefit?  What would you share to families thinking of this service? Share your advice!

Authored by A Swift Doula

I'm in a new phase of Repeat Everything

People joke that insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result, but I'm not sucker; it's not insanity - that's parenting. 

When I was chatting with my non-English speaking infant, she would gurgle, and I found myself saying over and over, "Tell me all about it!"

When my daughter was walking and still not talking,  there I was saying the words over and over, "Do you want more?  More?  More?"  until my word was linked to the few baby signs she was learning. 

And now, fast forward, my 3-year-old understands me.  She speaks to me.  We have conversations that make us both laugh, like this one from bedtime last night:

H: (whisper) Shhhhhhh.  Mommy, it's time to sleep.
Me: (whisper) Ok, Harper.
H: ....Fffffffffffffff..... (followed by both of us laughing)
Me:  Is your butt going to go to sleep too?

(Both of us crack up laughing)

Me: (whisper) Oh sorry....shhhhhhh.....
Harper: Mommy stop.  I'm the leader of the shushes.  
Me:  Okay Harper

(We don't repeat that over and over.  I promise.  But sometimes a fart joke needs to be made...)

Putting toys away, getting dressed, the plan for the day...over and over and over.  And it's not that she doesn't hear or understand, it's that there are so many distractions in the world for a 3-year-old. 

Pro Tip:  Distractions aren't all in the physical world, so watch out for fun conversations coming out of left field. EX:

Me: Harp, c'mon, in your seat.  Let's get buckled and go. 
H: Mom, where are we going?
Me: Home.
H: But Mexico is much more exciting.  Why don't we there first?
(Yes, why don't we!   ...sigh...  )
Me: Do you know where Mexico is? 
Harp: On the map.  My fingers can go there fast.  Look at my nail polish!  My auntie did it for me!

Inevitably, carrying a pile of laundry to her room ends up being an obstacle course.  "Hey mommy!  Come look at this new trick I can do!"

Picking up books turns in to drawing pictures, playing with Lego, and jumping on her trampoline.  "Hey mommy!  Look at this new jump I just learned!"

Doing the dishes together is not really doing the dishes.  "Hey mommy!  Look at this splash I can make!"

And she's off again!  My little swiftlet indeed has the attention span of a bird.  And all of it is fine and part of life, and honestly, part of the joy in being three.  Plus she is stinking adorable, so yeah...

Repeating myself is part of her learning process, and me being patient (even when it's really really really hard) is to her benefit.

Bringing this Back Around...
I don't just repeat myself to my daughter. 

There are a few times in life when people need calm, patient understanding.  For women going through labor, being in the moment is a way to both help contractions do the best work they can, and for a woman to connect with her experience. It does no good to imagine all the contractions that need to come before the baby arrives.

So we take it one contraction at a time. 

One breath at a time. 

And often, taking a deep, low, long breath is very difficult to remember.  So I say, over and over and over,

"Breathe.  Good.  Just like that." 

It's not that a laboring mother has the attention span of a 3-year-old.  It's that labor is hard.  Pain has the incredible ability to make us lose focus. 

So I say again, "Here one comes.  Big breath in, and slowly let it out.  Good.  Breath in, and out."  Until that mom is able to get into her rhythm and starts to respond to silent cues from how we touch, how the room shifts, how her partner hubs her back, how we all start to breath together.

It's a cycle, you see.  It keeps going. 

After her baby is born, she tries again and again to help her little baby understand the world.  Her baby is stimulated from the entire world!  And mom is there to bring it back down, help that little baby focus, and teach some very incredible things. 

Thoughts wander.  The brain is exercising.  It is a great incredible thing to witness in my toddler. 

But in labor, wandering thoughts, unexpected distractions, and fear can make the experience feel harder than it already is. 

So let's bring it back down...
Pull that focus back...
Your thoughts want to fly up with a gust of excitement, but you have a tight hold at the bottom, slowly winding up that string, around and around and around...and you bring it back to your center...back to your baby...
Breathe all the way down...

Good...just like that...

Authored by A Swift Doula

Now compared to the definition of a parent:

• a person who is a father or mother : a person who has a child
• an animal or plant that produces a young animal or plant
•  something out of which another thing has developed