A Swift Doula Blog, Chicago

Scapegoat Doula

8/14/2015

It is not often, but there are times when I am the Scapegoat Doula.

It is not a comfortable spot to be, but it is recognized by birth workers that sometimes families need a release of tension and anger. Sometime it comes out as blame. And sometimes that blame is laid upon the doula.

Birth is unpredictable. A "perfect" pregnancy can turn into a high risk delivery extremely fast. A well-progressing labor can turn into an emergency cesarean delivery. Families are left with little opportunity to choose any option other than to follow their care provider's lead.

People know that they are not medical experts and they should take their care providers advice. But doing so doesn't mean feelings of disappointment, confusion, and helplessness are easy to manage or understand.

Families may be left asking:

Why did this happen?
Why couldn't I stop it?
What went wrong?

And under it all, "WHY DIDN'T I GET TO CHOOSE?!"

The loss of participation is extremely unnerving. The handing over of one's body to be surgically cared for is not the image of child birth that makes many women get warm fuzzy feelings. The sudden care by professionals is one of the many reasons women are happy to have birth in hospitals, but the hope is that those services will never be used.

In instances an immediate medical response is necessary, families search for answers. They look for reasons why. They want a cause for the effect.

And sadly, it is not such an easy thing to find for some.

With as much as we know about birth and bodies, there is still no way to know what path a woman's labor will take.

"I knew that it was time for the babies to come. I went in for the cesarean, but then, they couldn't get the spinal placed right. I heard them talking normally, sometimes directly to me, but then they got quite and were whispering to each other. I couldn't see anything. Then the baby was born but they said he had to go straight to the NICU. Then I was horrible nauseous, and I said I didn't feel right. I wake up and was in a different room, and it seemed like four people had their hands inside my body. Then I was told I might need an emergency hysterectomy. They got it under control, but I needed blood transfusions and no one could tell me what was going on."

Hiring a labor doula does not guarantee an outcome. Having a doula scheduled for postpartum care does not guarantee any result. BUT, hiring a doula for your labor or recovery means you won't be alone. And by sheer proximity, sometimes the doula is the emotional dump for the mother, partner, or the whole family.

And that is ok.

I can be that person for you.

You can unload anything on to me.

I am your doula.

If your mother needs to send me angry text messages; I can read them, call her back, and talk her through what is going on.

If your partner is freaking out and wants someone to blame; I can be blamed, I can be yelled at, I can take it.

If you are angry and are confronted with feelings you don't know what to do with, you can yell and scream, and cry, and be angry with me if you need to.

I can take it. I am your doula.

Doulas are present and helpful for birth and postpartum, and sometimes those events aren't completely happy and joyous. It isn't talked about. But it is real.

Doulas are there for you thorough any situation. Your goals become our goals for labor and recovery, and when goals aren't met, we know that those feeling are in direct disagreement with your vision of success.

But even when your original version of a successful situation is shattered, your doula will be there to help you pick up the pieces, and be with you, still without judgement, because when there is no known reason why unfortunate events happen, you should hear that IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.

It is not your fault.

You are not broken.

It is not your fault.

So know that a doula is not just for unmedicated birth. Know that a doula is not just for position changes and encouragement through labor. Know that a doula is there to help with the hard feelings just as much as the joyful feelings.

I can help carry the load you bear. I hope you won't need to use this part of my care, but please know that you can.

Authored by A Swift Doula

8 Comments

Green Diaper Babies Visits A Swift Doula!

7/31/2015

0 Comments

I am so excited to share a conversation with Shannon Griffith, owner of Green Diaper Babies, Chicago's premier cloth diaper delivery service.

I used disposable diapers with my daughter when she was a newborn, but was happy to convert to cloth diapers when she was about a month old. Using cloth diaper with my daughter I fell in love with their ease, baby-friendly fabrics, and how well she was able to convert from diaper to using the toilet. What was most surprising for me getting started is that they can be just as simple as disposables.

There is something out there called an All-In-One which was the selling point to get my husband on board. Green Diaper Babies knew this kind of diaper would make a tremendous difference for families, and she is happy to offer this option as well as traditional pre-fold diapers.

But don't get bogged down with this lingo - Green Diaper Babies offers a class for parents looking into diaper use.

Green Diaper Babies takes all the good qualities of using cloth diapers for your family and none of the bad, meaning, cleaning the soiled nappies!

Shannon has a love for families and the environment, and this venture is an extension of those passions. Feel free to visit Green Diaper Babies for more information or - get this - call 773 - DIAPERS. Love that.

Interview with Shannon Griffith

What led to the creation of Green Diaper Babies?

An adventure! :) I am originally from Colorado but living in Oklahoma at the time the seeds were planted in December of 2012. I moved to Chicago in the summer of 2013 to get things started. It will be 2 years in August and I'm so happy I took the leap to try Chicago, try cloth, and I can definitely say I found a passion!

What have you learned your customers are concerned about?

Our customers are concerned about usually a few reasons. First, the environment; even making a small change, one cloth diaper a day would say 365 diapers from landfills! The numbers add up. Another reason would be baby health: rash is slim or non existent, as well as skin sensitivities are eliminated because of the natural fiber. Plus a baby in cloth diapers on average potty trains 6 months sooner!

Can you speak to the level of education that may be involved to encourage people who may not know this diaper option exists?

Parents overall are becoming better at looking at options, trying to be open minded and find what parenting styles and techniques they want for their family. Cloth is one of those choices. Cloth is not as mainstream yet as it ought, but certainly has progressed over the past generation and we can only hope this continues. Most families who are looking into better, holistic, healthier options for their family often turn to cloth.

What is your favorite part of the cloth diaper business?

Oh my, my favorite part? I have given a couple of years of my full attention and passion to the the cloth diaper business and really love it. I have experienced every part of this company and I wouldn't trade it for anything! My favorite part is that at the end of the day, the long week, and the load of laundry, I know that I've had a positive impact on my friends, city, and earth. I'm making a difference in a small way and I sleep well at night knowing that one less diaper is in the landfill and one more baby slept well in cloth. I wouldn't be in the business if it wasn't for the wonderful families I work with daily!

The cloth diaper market has many different options and brands. How did you come to your decision on which brands you would use?

I knew we would carry the traditional cotton pre-fold as it is the most basic, traditional, yet approachable and affordable. Our All-In-One diaper decision was a bit harder because we knew we would be standing out. The All-In-One diapers are often not offered in services across the nation and I chose to give them a shot. I came into the industry with a fresh eye and saw the modernization of cloth. I knew my company needed to be on that page to offer the best for our customers.

How do you offer ongoing support to families who use your service?

One of the best things I think we offer in our service is our free in-home consultation for each of our clients. Though this technically happens before they begin the service, it sets every new client up for success! We take time to meet with each family individually to practice putting diapers on, review products and policy, and to have a face to a name. This helps us in our relationships going forward because we know siblings, pets, babies, and parents names and environments. Now that the weather is nice we also coordinate Meetups for our customers and other cloth diapering families in and around Chicago. We meet in parks and cafes to talk and share stories and mingle. It's a real blast!

What have some of the responses been from customers?

I'm thankful to say that most customer responses have been positive. Over the course of the couple years I've had the opportunity to watch little ones grow and I am thrilled to have been a part of their lives! The families are terrific and allow us to be succeeding. Often we hear good reviews on our service, which for me is most important, so I am thankful for that!!

What parts of Chicago do you service?

We service every zip code of the city of Chicago; we go North through North Shore to Highland Park, West to Elgin an Aurora, South to Tinley Park, and of course everything in between!

What is the best way for people to learn more about cloth diapering through a diaper service?

We offer free Cloth Diaper 101 course usually twice a month. We have classes in the suburbs, West Loop, Lincoln Park, Ravenswood, and Evanston. We try to meet in spaces that are relevant for our customers such as prenatal gyms, chiropractor and acupuncturists who workwith pre- & postnatal, and birthing centers and studios. Our workshops discuss options of washing at home or cloth diapering with a service. And as mentioned before, we also offer the free in-home consultation for our customers, which is a great one-on-one. And if schedules don't allow or class doesn't work out, call us: 773-DIAPERS. We are happy to talk about cloth diaper with you!

Thank you so much to Shannon and her team that makes this incredible service possible! If you are looking for more information about Green Diaper Babies, visit their website at www.greendiaperbabies.com

0 Comments

Habitual Apology

6/8/2015

6 Comments

Ever get smacked in the face with a lesson? One of those awakenings that is both blunt and truthful. One which, after you notice it, you can't help but be smacked over and over with the day-to-day situations where you never noticed before?

For me it's apologizing. Or was.

I was at a party last fall where I was called out by a friend (in a nice way) who made me realize I am/was a habitual apologizer. I would say "I'm sorry" in situations that were just plain unnecessary.

We have a language where hundreds and hundreds of other words could be used, and I was editing down to an apology. I know I'm not the only one here that can identify with this.

Mostly I know because I work with people who do it all the time. New moms. (I would say parents, but I don't really have moments with male parents where this comes up.)

And moms are saying it about things that require no apology. At all. Like feeling pain while in labor. Or needing to feed their baby...again.

Things like:

Having contractions Oh, wait just a minute, I'm sorry, I can't answer your question I'm having a contraction....
Being thirsty in labor I'm so sorry, can you get me my drink?
Changing positions No, no, no...I need to move, I'm sorry this position just doesn't feel good!
HAVING A BABY I'm sorry I made such a mess!

And it isn't reserved for the delivery room. When moms get home, the I'm sorrys just keep coming:

Being sore I'm sorry I'm moving so slow.
A messy house (even if it isn't messy) I just haven't had time to pick up. I'm sorry you have to see it like this.
A crying baby I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
Being in Bed I'm so sorry you have to be in here and see me like this.

All of the things mentioned above are real situations that have happened, and I would bet all are common for many other doulas as well. Some women prefer to be extremely private, so for them it IS completely odd and horrible that a visitor would be in her home and see this part of life.

But guess what. I'm a doula.

It's not a statement I make often, but in reality I've seen a lot of vaginas and touched a lot of breasts. The world of birth is not a scary or grotesque world for me, and the state of your living room, your baby's temperament, or your manner of dress are not judged.

You don't get points deducted for having unopened mail or a sink full of dishes. In fact, how about I do those dishes real quick for you...No...it's fine...just relax! Tell me how you're feeling. How was last night?

One of the things I talk about with my clients is how to prepare with realistic expectations of the postpartum period. Not just with their own bodies, but with guests and family too.

If it is important to you to have a clean home and a spread ready to go whenever guests may arrive, let's talk about ways I can help you prepare for that so you personally won't have to take over the brunt of that work AND the work of being a new mom.

Sorry Not Sorry

Hashtags can be cheeky, silly, expressive, annoying, or whatever....

But I have fully embraced the #sorrynotsorry hashtag. It was a step in my recovery, if you want to call it that.

Just because I was made aware of my habit of apologizing didn't make it easy to unlearn it. It took practice. Quite a lot actually. Months of it.

But it has been a wonderful change. Freeing. And I can see this as a positive change both for me and my daughter. I want her to see me using an apology at times where it holds meaning and value. I don't want to cheapen the phrase through overuse and inappropriate timing.

I won't pretend that I understand your personal relationship with the phrase, "I'm sorry." But I know in birth and recovery for the 6 weeks after (or more), there is a new normal where the feelings and tasks that used to be easy are no longer easy.

There are no apologies necessary for that change. It is not your fault. It just is.

I'd love to hear from you reader! Do you have a #sorrynotsorry moment you want to share?
What was early recovery and postpartum like for you in your home?
Did you feel guilt and if so, what for?

Authored by A Swift Doula

6 Comments

World Doula Week - The invaluable side Of Doula Care

3/23/2015

4 Comments

Yesterday, I shared that before becoming a doula, I had a wonderful, stable job working for Barnes & Noble. I had insurance! I had vacation days! I had access to interesting people with interesting things to say and I was helping my community through literacy! It was (how many more exclamation points do you need.....) ah-mazing!!!

And I made the choice to leave it.

I then made the choice to become a doula. A year and a half after starting my career as a doula, I became a ProDoula.

When I was introduced to ProDoula through a woman named Randy Patterson, a few things happened:

I stopped feeling guilty for needing to make a living
I realized my attraction to this work was not just as a woman doing women's work, but it was a deep seeded need in me to be WITH women.

For me, finding ProDoula was the key to a very large pad lock that opened feelings and memories that I had pushed away. Why? Because they didn't make me feel good! Because of judgement, disappointment, or guilt. And women are criticized for our feelings, aren't we? So I put them away.

And Randy Patterson and the other women I have been doing this work WITH, crawled in that deep dark space with me while sitting on Debbie Aglietti's basement floor. And they showed me what it was like to really be with Women's Women. Women who love other women. Women who want big, inspiring things. Women who understand that we will all do those big inspiring things in our own creative ways.

I was a good doula before I became a ProDoula. I knew all the right questions, I pushed on all the rights spots, I had the right information. But after ProDoula, I finally really understood the need, and power of women showing empathy.

Real support. Non-judgmental support. Being in the dark cave, together.

And as I unlocked all of the pain, guilt, and disappointment, I started to let other things go too. I started to let my "character flaws" out and stretch their sore limbs.

Turns out, what I thought was flippancy was the ability to adapt. Turns out what I thought was being bossy, was in fact my ability to be a decisive doer.

I came back from an amazing experience and I started to try out this new self, with all my feelings and memories and baggage out for any who took a minute to see it. And I started believing that my voice was powerful.

And I now with this found voice, I learned to be much better listener. I see and hear women trying to navigate through a world where pregnancy has made their own emotions a little closer to the top - those emotions are a little easier to access.

Those emotions and fears are valuable. They are valid. They are good.

I walk into a woman's living room, and her emotions get all over her face, and she feels bad. She feels wrong. And I get so sit with her, and look at her emotions on her face, and nose and hands and tissues, and be with her. And say that those emotions sound really hard and I am so glad she shared those really hard emotions with me.

It isn't a space many people are willing to go. My work lets me go there. I get to go there! I get to be a real women with other real women.

And this is only a small part of the work that I do.

But this is the invaluable part. This is the part that gets hard to explain in a fee.

I talk about my on-call schedule. I talk about being available on the phone. I talk about specific hours of time and things like how many times we will meet, because in our society, these are the things that can be measured and checked off a list. (And they are important too!)

But today, during World Doula Week, I wanted to talk a bit about what else the fee covers. Non-judgmental support. Being WITH you in labor. Having a person in the room who is comfortable with all the ugly baggage and still looks you in the face and says, hey I see you over there. Don't worry, I see you.

Authored by A Swift Doula

Other amazing writers are getting the word out about World Doula Week. Visit the World Doula Week Blog Challenge Blog Hop.

4 Comments

Nighttime vs. Morning

3/20/2015

0 Comments

By: Bethan Phillips

It would be grand if this place, this TIMEOUT, really existed. Like a giant pause button to take us out of HERE and land us in THERE. But instead...

"I don't want it to be bedtime! I want it to be sun time!"

"Sorry sweet heart. The sun is already in bed. You need to go to bed too."

"Mom, I don't want it to be bedtime! Can we snuggle?"

"Time to potty and brush your teeth."

"I don't want to brush my teeth!"

"Ok. But we are going to potty and brush our teeth. Even when we don't want to."

"Mom. I want to play."

"I hear you honey. I want you to play too, but we are out of time for play. We are in time for bed."

At bedtime some of the things I say are just a huge puzzle of language that my daughter tries to figure out. Sometimes I do it on purpose. It will distract her thinking about what I'm saying and in the meantime, she goes potty, she lets me brush her teeth, and by the time she looks at me again with a question, I have one leg of her jammers on her wiggly body.

Sometimes, the words just flow out of me in non-sense.

Sometimes, I can't think of what to say.

"Every night we have bed time. Every night is the same." Except it isn't, is it?

"Mom I want to sleep with you!"

"You get to start in your own bed and we'll see where we all land in the morning."

Like magically, we float around the house and plop down in different places. Turns out, Harper is the only one who is able to fly these days, as without a doubt, she is in our bed come morning.

It is such a firm grasp she has of her day - she doesn't want to let it go. This one day has been so great that sleep will only ruin how great this day is...if only we didn't need to sleep!

When do we stop dreading bedtime? Is that when we become adults?

Meow!

No doubt it's 7:21a, as the cats are better than alarm clocks - if only I could set their time. Meow!

"Morning momma." Stretch

"Morning Harper. How did you sleep?"

"Fine."

"Did you have any dreams?" She still doesn't know what I'm talking about when I ask this one. She just stares at me.

"Can we go to Papa Glen's house today?"

"No sweetie. But we'll visit him soon. Do you want to call him?"

"No. Let's get breakfast. Let's race!"

And she already has a firm grasp on this new magical day.

QUESTION: How do you and your kids dance through bedtime?

Authored by A Swift Doula
Photo credit: Bethan Phillips. *This photo is copyrighted and can only be used with the correct attribution*

0 Comments

Write Your Birth Plan. Then Throw it Out.

3/10/2015

0 Comments

I love and hate birth plans. Or birth wishes. Or whatever you call them.

I love a birth plan because it gets parents involved in their birth. It is usually the first time many couples sit down and put what they want out in the open for each other to see. It can sometimes be the start to many very important conversations.

Ideas get organized. A view of what their birth will look like starts to take form. Couples start to have questions they can take to their doctors.

I hate birth plans because for many people it is the only discussion or the end of the discussion.

I've heard over and over, "Oh, it's in our birth plan that we want (fill in the blank) so I'm not worried."

So here is a little exercise. Let's play what if...

What if you forget to bring your birth plan to the hospital? Have you remembered what is important to you?

What if you are planning for freedom of movement and getting in water for pain management, but it becomes necessary that you stay close to monitors and out of water? Can you think of positions and locations for massage that will help you cope?

What if your partner gets sick? Do you have back up support you can call?

What if you are planning a vaginal birth, and it becomes evident that you require a cesarean birth? Have you talked about how this will impact your postpartum healing?

What if your baby need to be taken to the NICU (a neonatal intensive-care unit) after birth? Will your partner go with baby or stay with you? Do you have someone who can come to be with you until your partner returns?

Here is how I can help:

As your doula, many of the What Ifs above can be greatly improved if you hire me. I can help remember what was important - either by recalling conversations we've had, or by using B.R.A.I.N.

As your doula, I am present to help with positioning, with massage, counter pressure, comfort, and pain management. You don't need to know every beneficial position - I'll be your walking, talking, resource.

As your doula, I can be your support if your partner becomes unable - be it from sickness, from exhaustion, or for bathroom breaks and meals!

As your doula, I can help prepare you for what the cesarean delivery will be like, as well as help you make a plan for how to heal from an unexpected surgery. Doulas aren't just for vaginal deliveries. I have helped many mothers go through planned cesarean deliveries.

As your doula, I hope it isn't needed, but if your baby goes to the NICU, I can stay with you. You don't have to be alone while you wait for news or your partner to return.

And let's not forget - as your doula, I will help you write your birth plan. Because sometimes many families don't have any idea of how to get the conversation started in the first place, or what topics to cover.

So let's get together to see how I can help, both talking about the What Ifs, but also about how you can have the best possible preparation for the birth that you want.

Authored by A Swift Doula

0 Comments

Make It Happen - International Women's Day 2015

3/8/2015

0 Comments

Today is International Women's Day. The theme this year is Make It Happen.

Make it Happen:

For greater awareness of women's equality
For more women in senior leadership roles
For equal recognition of women in the arts
For growth of women owned businesses
For increased financial independence of women
For more women in science, engineering, and technology
For fairer recognition in women in sport

When I found out I was pregnant with a daughter, simultaneously I thought publicly "Awesome!" and privately with Dan "Oh shit."

Because, having the knowledge that I was going to be responsible for caring and PROTECTING my girl child seemed liked the biggest undertaking ever. And it is. Being the protector of another human is serious work.

I worry about scraped knees and broken hearts. But really those aren't my big fears - because those teach and can be learned from. What keeps me up is the senseless violence and unmistakable cruelty that exists.

As I dove deeper and deeper down this rabbit hole today, trying and trying to rescue myself from the imagined ways in which my child can be hurt and maimed - both visibly and invisibly - I found myself visiting the blog I started when I found out I was pregnant. It's called Alaska Jane, Pint Sized.

I reread the entire blog.

My thoughts as a woman learning about pregnancy and motherhood right in front of me. Not knowing that I would become a woman who would help other women walk those same steps.

It was surreal.

Watching the video of my daughter starting to understand language as she helped me load the dryer and then when she twirled. And missing our friends terribly as I relived our great Halloween adventures dressing up as Frida, and her friend as Mork.

I'm have learned and am re-learning that my actions will leave their mark. Every step, however small, in the direction I wish to go is still progress. My silly little blog tracking my pregnancy and life as a new mom is proof - I cherish those posts. And I made that priceless record, one post at a time.

And as a mom, I parent one day at a time.

And as a business owner, I grow one client at a time.

And as someone impacting the world, well...I will do that too, one bit at a time.

International Woman's day is almost over. But this day is another in a long history of the event. And since it's inception many incredible things have changed that benefit women, and therefore all of human kind.

I have no idea how to make all the goals listed above come to reality other than how we, as women and supporters of women, have been doing it all along - one step at a time.

I wasn't going to finish this post today. I had written it off (ha!) as a small idea that didn't work out. My husband and I tucked in to finish the latest season of House of Cards, (which has it's own interesting ties to the goals of the day, but no spoilers here...), then I scrolled through my blog roll, and just before turning this damned computer off I found this:

Let the bucket of memory down into the well,
bright it up. Cool, cool minutes. No one
stirring, no plans. Just being there.

This is what the whole thing is about.

– William Stafford, from Just Thinking

And looking back on today, with my side steps and rabbit trails down through my memories, photos, and videos, this is what happened. I dipped my bucket into my memory well. The cool minutes washed over me. Hours went by. I was right there again, watching my daughter take some of her first steps.

And I realized again the words of Brene Brown, that the courage comes from being there. Doing the scary thing. Showing up. Being vulnerable. And I don't know anything that has made me feel more vulnerable, more alive, or more woman, that being a mother.

Nothing.

And because I am a mother, (step, step, step,) I am now a business owner. And wouldn't you know it, that is one of the goals of this year's International Woman's Day.

Each small step in the direction of your goal is not a misstep.

Authored by A Swift Doula.

0 Comments

The Revolution Will Not be Supervised

2/25/2015

4 Comments

One of my biggest fears moving to Chicago - I have no idea how to raise a child here.

Why? Because I grew up in almost the exact opposite of this city.

My childhood seems like something out of a time warp. My siblings and I played unsupervised for large periods of time. We were given permission, and even encouraged, to make trips to the nearest city, 3 miles away, on our bicycles for the sake of exploring. We were in charge of chopping wood, building a fire in winter, and preparing meals, all at ages that are considered abuse by some these days.

Part of what I loved about my childhood is how much time I spent BY MYSELF.

I had to be responsible for myself. Sometimes that meant getting myself from one place to another. Sometimes that mean I had to get myself down from a tree. Knowing I had no support in executing these tasks made me both aware of how far into trouble I was going, and then proud of my ability to get out of it.

So, I want to be able to give my daughter freedom to learn without me near by. But now, I am in a city and culture that thinks my child can’t to things has to be protected at all costs.

An article in the Atlantic gave some insight into how we got here. This has been gaining momentum since the 80's. The ruling of a case involving a family from Chicago became the impetus for the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission publishing the first Handbook for Public Playground Safety in 1981, a short set of general guidelines to govern the equipment.

In Chicago, with it's 580 parks, there are many opportunities for play. It is wonderful. However, there has also been studies that these safer playgrounds aren't being used because they pose little challenge to those using them.

But with all of the regulations and changes to playground safety, it has been shown that there has not been a reduction of children's visits to emergency rooms. I am no researcher, but the risky behavior seems to have moved from the playground to...elsewhere - where ever the child can find an opportunity to make choices for himself, to explore organically, and live the thrill.

So back to my original worries about parenting in a city - where can she spend time by herself that won't get me arrested, and will let her have an authentic thrilling experience?

There is no answer for this right now. As parents, we will have to wade through as we go.

What I think is important right now is that I know I want my daughter to have these opportunities to explore by herself.

Perhaps it will start with going down to our building's lobby to get the mail by herself. Perhaps at some point it will mean me giving her a shopping list and waiting at the front of the store for her to gather some items. At some point, she will ride the CTA by herself.

Will I be concerned and anticipate her return? Absolutely! But one of my parenting goals is to have a well adjusted, independent daughter who knows she can come to me with anything. I see that she won't be able to come TO me if she isn't APART from me at some point.

If I want her to know how to always come home, she needs to know where home is. So to get ready for this, we'll work on basics for a three year old:
What is mommy's name?
What is mommy's phone number?
Where do you live?

How do you set safe boundaries with your children? If you live in a large city, how do you navigate this?

Authored by A Swift Doula

4 Comments

All in a day's Work

2/19/2015

0 Comments

"What do you mean I'm not on the account?"
"I'm sorry ma'am. You're not on the account. You are not L----, correct?"
"Look, I tell you what. I will sign up for an account right now, on the phone, pay what ever fee you need me to pay, but can you please dispatch someone out to help me NOW. A pregnant lady is having a baby today! I'm supposed to meet her. Please?!"
"Well, no ma'am...well...(pause)...yeah. Ok. Yeah. Where is the vehicle?"

This was how my day started. Well, not really. My "day" started last night when I went to work for a super-fab family with twins. This conversation happened at 6:10a, after I had realized I had locked my car, with it running, with my phone, contact numbers, and computer inside.

I was on my way to meet a client that was having her baby today.

The barista's at the Starbucks on the corner, (who have come to know me from my morning coffee stop...well sorta know me. *ok not really... But they know me now!) let me use their phone to call AAA. And sit in their warm cafe. And one of them tried to get my car open. And they commiserated. And eventually cheered me on when the two AAA workmen arrived.

The AAA operator was quick and helpful, and in 35 minutes, a truck was there, helping me get on the road to where I had a client waiting.

And it all ended ok.

I had contingency plans running through my head.

Do I just leave my car and take a cab?
Would my car get towed?
Do I ask to use someone's smart phone to call the hospital?
Do I... it kept going on.

Today was one big lesson. HUGE lessons for me. Somethings were easy like, carry a spare key in my wallet. Others were organizational structures for my business. The one that stands out is that people can be really awesome.

People can get pretty down right now. Winter, temperatures, politics...

But after being bolstered up by some baristas and AAA, I got to work for a wonderful family that welcomed their wonderful son into the world. I got to meet a wonderful nurse who said openly and boldly, "Oh I love working with doulas! So glad you are here!"

I am usually a person that others lean on. I am usually the person people come to when they need to get pumped up. It is rare that I find myself in such a vulnerable place, needing help from complete strangers.

The weird thing...

It felt good. It felt good to let these people help me.

Yes, I bought coffee while I waited. Yes I purchased a service plan. Yes, it's easy for a nurse to say a line in front of a couple who obviously wanted me to be there.

But it was all good. I valued their care, and they showed me kindness.

I never thought I would have said this at 6:10a this morning, but...

What an awesome day!

Authored by A Swift Doula

0 Comments

Jill of All Trades: Making a baby Carrier

1/28/2015

5 Comments

*** Edited to include photo of my 3 year-old and I using this carrier at the bottom of the post. She is currently about 35 pounds.

This is the first installment of Jill of All Trades. A look into the other things I do in my life that aren't doula work.

Today, I'm very excited to share with you a project I have made several of, including one for myself when I was carrying around a wee one: a sling style baby carrier.

*NOTE - I am just a mom who knows how to sew and wanted to make something I couldn't afford to buy when I had a baby. If you are not confident in your ability to produce something that your child will be carried in, then by all means, don't try this at (your) home.

So! A sling style carrier. I was first introduced to these by following some baby wearing mommas on Instagram. I was curious about woven wraps and would have loved to try some more intricate ways to have my baby on my body, but in reality, I needed something fast and easy. A ring style carrier provides simple operation, and quality snuggles.

Step 1 - Get some fabric. Get some rings. Get some thread.

You will need between 2.5-3 yards of fabric, depending on your size. I got 3 plus, because LOOK HOW ADORABLE THIS FABRIC IS. So yeah. I'll be adding a chunk to my swollen fabric stash.

There is no reason to spend millions of dollars on the fabric you want, if only because JoAnn's gives out 40% coupons like they're dirty napkins. So, if you don't have a specific pattern in mind head on over there after grabbing a coupon online and visit their cotton section. (If you care about coordinating thread, while you're there, pick that up too. I recommend Gutermann Brand)

Materials that work with ring slings:

cotton
silks
linen

Materials that I do not recommend:

jersey knit - it is too stretchy and you don't want that babe sagging and not snug to your chest. Jersey is great for a wrap around your body style (such as a Moby), but it is not great for cinching tight and not slipping, which is what we want.
Thick fabric - this includes outdoor decorative fabrics, tweeds, heavy wool (although there is some light weight wool that may work), etc. You'll see when we attach the fabric to the ring why having any extra thickness will be a headache.

Note on the RINGS -

The rings you use should have no gaps, breaks, or cracks. I can not find rings in stores, so I buy mine from SlingRings.com. Pick the size and color that will be best for your project. This site also has helpful links, a sewing pattern, and all around great ring sling stuff.

Step 2 - Wash the fabric & Iron the fabric (if cotton)

When I quilt, I sometimes purposefully do not wash my fabric so after it's completed it has a wavy, rumpled effect that can be pleasing and homey. However, I believe washing the fabric before using it will lower your stress of seems splitting, tugging, or pulling on stitches.

Step 3 - Cut length and width

Determine your desired length. You can do this by wrapping the fabric around yourself to see what is comfortable, and allow for about 18inches of tail. For me, I'm cutting it to 74 inches. I'm 5'6", and 140 pounds.

For Width, you will want the fabric to be make a nice size pocket, as that is where your baby's bum will be sitting. I am cutting it to 31 inches.

Step 4 - Hem one side of the length.

This takes some time, but get out your pins (or free hand if you are comfortable) and make a 1/2 hem. If you ironed your fabric, you can press this hem down to make it easier.

Step 5 -Make some pleats.

This may be tricky. The basic concept is to create folds that overlap.

Start with the long side that you did NOT hem. Fold it over then back on itself and pin. See image. Next, grab the fabric about 1 inch out from the pins, pinch, and fold it under. Repeat this over and over until you get to the other side of the fabric.

Step 6 - Sew the pleats.

Next, sew across the pleats with three rows of zig zag stitches about 3 inches apart. See below. when I do this, before sewing, I make the top pleats a bit closer together, then lt it gradually widen with each row.

Step 7 - put the fabric through both rings

Step 8 - Attaching the Rings

Fold over the end of the fabric back on itself, with the rings inside the fold. Then sew with zig zag stitch. THIS is where it's beneficial to not have super think fabric. I use a heavy duty needle for denim and leather to avoid breaking needles at this point (been there done that, btw.)

This should be reinforced with a straight stitch right above the row of zig zag. Reinforce this so there are a total of three lines of stitches binding the fabrics together. The photo only shows two.

Step 9 - Hem the bottom of the fabric
Step 10 - WEAR THAT BABY!

For safe baby wearing help you can visit Babywearing International.
Or you can watch some videos on YouTube like this one.
If you have trouble threading and adjusting, this video is great too.

This lovely sling is being sent to a dear family member who is expecting #2!

I didn't wear Harper all the time, but I used it often and we both loved it. Here are some photos below of our time slingin' it.