I'm sorry to say, but No. (This is the short answer.) Your husband will not be your doula.
Going into your delivery, your role is very clear - you get to give birth to your baby. The role of your husband and the role of your doula are also very important, but different. Let me explain...
*Your Husband/Partner In Labor
Your husband/partner is the person that is emotionally invested in you and your child. This person will know your fears and history throughout your journey to this point, and they will have all of your feelings, cares, and expectations at the forefront of their minds.
This person will be someone you will be comfortable being around, and will provide calm and resolve the way only an intimate partner can. This is the person you have decided to do this with, this parenting thing - this is your together-in-this-beautiful-crazy-adventure person.
Your husband/partner will be able to connect with you on an emotional level that no other person can, as you created this baby together, and (for many) are entering into parenthood side-by-side, heart-to-heart, with great joy and great excitement.
*The Doula in Labor
The doula is present in your pregnancy to educate, and then support, the decisions you decide are best for you and your baby. Resources are provided, and referrals can be made with the healthy relationships she has cultivated in the community.
Once at the birth, the doula is there to provide assurance and support. The education that was provided prenatally will be ever ready should you or your partner have questions. The doula will be trained to push on exactly the right spot when you need it, and will be able to suggest ways to help ease pain.
But what is hard to convey until in the moment is when you are feeling contractions, and your doula is right there, eye to eye, showing you that YOU are normal, and what you are feeling is normal. In those moments, a doula's worth is more than information, but in connection to where you are.
There is great power in birth: physically, emotionally, and mentally. As your doula, it is a heady time when your needs and my intuition sync in such a way that I can't help but feel connected to you as each contraction moves through the room, just like the contractions moved through countless women before you. Your partner is there giving you comfort, I am there giving you a calm presence and a mirror to see your own strength with.
When you have that lovely combination of medical care from a provider you trust, emotional support from your partner, and physical support from your doula, you will be supported by an incredible birth team!
Did you have a doula at your birth? What were your partner's reflections on having a doula after the fact? I'd love to know!
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