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Pressure, before Labor Ever Begins

10/19/2014

4 Comments

 
 Pressure.  Not the push-the-baby-out kind. 

I was lucky in my pregnancy.  I didn’t have unusual sickness, I was able to stay mobile, and I was able to keep working until my due date.  But as soon as my due date hit, I had to stay home. 

It wasn’t anything about my pregnancy that made for the change.  It was the pressure.  The pressure from my co-workers and customers made me want to curl up and cry.  The road to hell is paved with good intentions, they say, and it was starting to feel like my own personal hell. 

The day after my due date I walked in to, “You’re STILL pregnant!”

It was the first time in my pregnancy that my body felt broken, that I had done something wrong.  Was I a bad mother for not delivering my baby when I was “supposed” to?

I had read the books and taken the classes so I knew that the average first time mom doesn’t deliver until she is 41+ weeks.

 I knew that, but I felt different. 

Up until my due date, I was in the throws of fall.  Friends were going to corn mazes people were trying to find last minute Halloween costumes.  Because I was due on October 30th I made zero plans for the holiday, thinking hopefully, I’d be holding my baby.

So now, every fall, as parents are looking for festivals and pumpkin patches, whenever I see I pregnant woman, it comes back.  Trying to relax is very hard when it feels like your entire community is waiting for you to have a baby. 

I know I’m not the only one who has felt this pressure.  As I doula for more and more women, it seems it is almost unavoidable.  So if you have a pregnant woman in your life, perhaps to REALLY help her, be a safe place for her to rest. 

Keep the Pressure Off
  • Offer pillows to help get her situated comfortably.  Offer some water.   It really is the small things sometimes. 
  • Suggest a phone free afternoon, and go see a movie.  So much pressure can come from social media now that suggesting a no-phone friend date can be incredibly restorative.
  • Try not to focus on the uncomfortable parts of day-to-day life, but instead ask her what she is looking forward to.  Who will the baby look like?  How did they pick the name?  Any baby clothes she wants to show you?
  • Tell her she is beautiful.  She may be feeling anything but attractive, but she needs to hear it. 
  • And if she wants it, help her find a last minute costume to get her out of the house!

4 Comments
Lisa Fuchs
10/20/2014 06:22:30 am

Hurray for no pressure. I wish women could read this before they tell a soul their due date. With my second I was smart enough to ask my midwife to not give me a due date and her whole staff followed the direction. At one of my appointments she suggested maybe I meet her up at the hospital since I was a couple of weeks overdue. Oh, and it was the first week of spring quarter at the college bookstore and I put in 12 hour days that week. This last time I had a due date but was smart enough not tell anyone and would skirt the issue by saying "Oh, around the first part of November." It drives people crazy but it is nice to have the control. :)

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Ariel link
10/20/2014 08:35:32 am

Lisa, I love that you didn't know your due date! I think for some women it would drive them crazy, but what a great tool. I also like your vague answer - "Oh, around the first of November." You are so right, it IS nice to have control!

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Kaitlin
10/21/2014 04:41:39 pm

Such a good topic!! My first was 10 days late and I'd had my due date in my head for so long that when it came and went I didn't know what to do with myself! I spent the whole 10 days freaking out and stressed instead of relaxing ... Then my second was a week late but I was much more calm and gave more of a window when people asked my due date...

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Ariel
10/22/2014 07:05:16 am

I feel you, Kaitlin! My mom flew in a few days before I gave birth, and she tried to help. I remember she gave me one of the best foot rubs in my life, but after it was done, I still had the clock ticking in my head. I hope I'm able to chill whenever we decide to have another. Glad your second was less stressful for you!

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