I had 2,074 days to prepare for these mornings, but apparently it wasn't enough time. My daughter started kindergarten this week, and I started the next phase of parenting: protecting her self esteem. I didn't realize this was what Kindergarten was going to be. I remember 6th grade being hard, and of course middle school...but I should realize by now all ages are hard...
In these three days we have gotten up on time 2/3 mornings, packed lunches, successfully found all the parts of her uniform, and had rather enjoyable walks on the 4 blocks to her school's door.
Two of the three days, once she has gotten home, she has not wanted to give any details of her day, other than:
But that worksheet...A single piece of paper has already opened a door for self doubt.
In these three days we have gotten up on time 2/3 mornings, packed lunches, successfully found all the parts of her uniform, and had rather enjoyable walks on the 4 blocks to her school's door.
Two of the three days, once she has gotten home, she has not wanted to give any details of her day, other than:
- she didn't get to sit in a desk
- she wasn't using her school supplies often enough. Thankfully, they did a worksheet to bring home, and she could use a new, perfectly sharpened pencil.
But that worksheet...A single piece of paper has already opened a door for self doubt.
"I am not a good girl because my numbers are bad."
That is how she remembered the comments from her teacher. The teacher that I don't really know, that I don't really get to talk with (hello HUGE change from preschool), and that has only had two school days to begin to learn how lucky she is to have my child in her class.
Because my girl is magic.
My magic girl will befriend the whole school.
My magic girl will see when other people are sad.
My magic girl seeks out joy and fun, and sees possibility.
She is competitive, funny, attentive, sharp, and a helper.
My magic girl has been lucky - lucky to have people in her life who have made her believe that adults can be trusted. That adults want to keep children safe. That adults appreciate what she says and how her body can move, and that they want to spend time with her because she is worth knowing. I know not every child gets that advantage.
Because my girl is magic.
My magic girl will befriend the whole school.
My magic girl will see when other people are sad.
My magic girl seeks out joy and fun, and sees possibility.
She is competitive, funny, attentive, sharp, and a helper.
My magic girl has been lucky - lucky to have people in her life who have made her believe that adults can be trusted. That adults want to keep children safe. That adults appreciate what she says and how her body can move, and that they want to spend time with her because she is worth knowing. I know not every child gets that advantage.
Oh sweet child. Do us all a favor and don't hide your magic.
There was a 30 second window this morning while she was putting on her socks where she chose to share a moment from school yesterday...
H: I am not a good girl because my numbers are bad.
Me: What do you mean? (Oh the look on her face made me immediately careful...)
H: I didn't do a good job writing my numbers. I did a bad job on my number worksheet. So the teacher put me with the bad kids who don't write their numbers good.
Me: Do you need more practice writing your numbers?
H: I need more practice, yes.
Me: Oh wonderful! How great that you are in the perfect place for practicing! Kindergarten is the perfect place to learn hard things like writing numbers! There is no way you are a bad kid. You are a great kid! Your numbers just need more time to find their way out of your hand and through your pencil. That can be tricky. But tricky isn't impossible. I can help you practice if you like.
H: I am not a good girl because my numbers are bad.
Me: What do you mean? (Oh the look on her face made me immediately careful...)
H: I didn't do a good job writing my numbers. I did a bad job on my number worksheet. So the teacher put me with the bad kids who don't write their numbers good.
Me: Do you need more practice writing your numbers?
H: I need more practice, yes.
Me: Oh wonderful! How great that you are in the perfect place for practicing! Kindergarten is the perfect place to learn hard things like writing numbers! There is no way you are a bad kid. You are a great kid! Your numbers just need more time to find their way out of your hand and through your pencil. That can be tricky. But tricky isn't impossible. I can help you practice if you like.
I don't believe for one minute that her teacher called her a "bad kid," but that is how she heard it.
She got discouraged, and like many others equated "good" with "correct."
And now I have a couple more goals to strive toward as a parent:
No small task...
Curious...
Are you going through big changes right now? How do you help your family transition? What help do you need when changes occur?
She got discouraged, and like many others equated "good" with "correct."
And now I have a couple more goals to strive toward as a parent:
- To help build up a positive internal dialogue, so she clearly understands her worth and value are not determined by the "correctness" defined by any authority figure or system in place.
- To listen to what is said, and not what she thinks was said
- Help her write those tricky #8s
No small task...
Curious...
Are you going through big changes right now? How do you help your family transition? What help do you need when changes occur?
Written by Ariel Swift
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