No Santa Lie, No Problem: A Parent’s Guide to Holiday Traditions
I have never aspired to sell the Santa story to my kids. Some members of my extended family swing in the opposite direction, with gift labels proudly declaring, “From Santa” under the tree.
For my husband and me, it was never a topic. Now our daughter is seven, and she has always understood that the presents under our tree came from Mom and Dad. We earned the money. We shopped and wrapped. Magic and wishing were not part of the process. And yet, she still has plenty of holiday cheer and loves that jolly old elf just fine. We didn’t ruin anything.
And we never lied to her. (The tooth fairy, on the other hand, is a whole other story.)
That is the catch, isn’t it? If you want to perpetuate Santa magic, you will eventually need the awkward conversation to explain that the man in red is not real.
Maybe that is part of growing up. Perhaps it is part of the magic itself, that children eventually learn the truth but still carry joy. Helping kids believe in Santa can be harmless.
My husband grew up in a home where, literally, the night before Christmas, his parents worked late after he and his sister went to bed to hide all the gifts. The next morning, the presents appeared under the tree.
I asked him when he realized Santa wasn’t responsible for the morning magic.
He said, “I was older than four and younger than ten when I found out. Even into my teens and twenties, I still loved Christmas morning and watching the tree go from nothing to piles of gifts.”
Santa? “I don’t really remember when I figured that out,” he shrugged.
My experience was different. Santa was never part of our home tradition. Gifts came from parents who worked hard, and we eagerly awaited a box from my grandma in North Dakota, filled with hand-knit mittens, scarves, and blankets. It was thrilling.
Our presents were wrapped and waiting under the tree early. Part of the fun was shaking, guessing, poking, and rearranging them. We also celebrated Hanukkah. My mom converted to Judaism when I was in high school, and we spun dreidels, ate chocolate gelt, and marveled at dripping candle wax. Holidays were joyful, rich with ritual, and uniquely ours.
Our kids now enjoy a blend of both traditions. At home, gifts are labeled: Mom & Dad, Bro, Sis. When we visit one Grandma, Santa shows up as the special delivery elf. We light the menorah together, share stories of miracles and oil, and sing along to holiday music.
A few years ago, a letter circulated online with a lovely way to reveal the Santa secret. When a child starts to suspect or asks directly, the story reframes the revelation as a warm initiation: Christmas magic exists because we all work together to keep the giving spirit alive. Now the child gets to help, becoming a helper in the grand tradition. I loved it immediately, and it also works well for families with multiple kids.
Of course, that is the parent perspective. I don’t know exactly how children feel about being let in on the secret. Do they enjoy being part of the game, or is it disappointing?
I don’t think there is a single right way to do holidays or Santa traditions. Kids are resilient. There are lessons either way, and joy either way.
If you are unsure about what to do with Santa, here are a few questions to guide you:
What did your family do when you were a child, and did you like it?
What purpose does your choice serve? Are you teaching a lesson or sharing in the magic of belief, generosity, or kindness?
Do you feel pulled to make a decision? How does it feel to imagine a different option, liberating or disappointing?
Are you capable of telling your child something hard when they ask for the truth?
With a little thought, you can take the fear out of this decision. Or you can wing it and let this be one thing you do not overthink, seeing where the spirit of St. Nicholas leads you.
*Author Note: this blog was written 7 years ago when I was struggling with this topic.